As the date of the “Sex Plan” (check out my last 2 blog posts for context) approached I began to feel increasingly nervous. Carl can be incredibly changeable, as I’ve mentioned, and there was a part of me that was scared that I would arrive there and he would say, “By the way Taylor, I’ve changed my mind. Would you like some tea? A game of chess?” I knew that if that happened the friendship would not be able to recover. I had dealt with rejection from him once, and being around him for 6 months while being so incredibly attracted to him knowing that I couldn’t have him was bad enough. If he were to reject me again, I knew this would be it.
I agonized over what to wear. I thought about lingerie. I bought this crotchless body suit, but quickly rejected it. It made me look like I was trying way too hard. I decided to go with a purple and black lace push up bra. I tried to find a pair of plain black panties to go with them, but they were all in the wash. I cursed myself for not having thought further ahead and made sure I had some clean ones. I looked through my entire underwear drawer, trying not to make a big deal about it because Ron was in the house. Ron knew I was going to Carl with the intended purpose of fucking him, and so I didn’t want to make a big deal about it. I realised 90% of the underwear I own is ridiculous. Old grey faded panties, panties with pretty birds on them. What the FUCK had I been thinking getting those? Thankfully I remembered that I have a lace black g-string which I hadn’t worn in a long time. G-strings aren’t usually my style, but I thought they went nicely with the bra. I wanted to wear a dress, so I elected to wear some patterned leggings to hide the g string, in case the wind decided to try and attack me at some point walking to his house.
After shaving, curling my hair, straightening my fringe and painting my toenails (light purple over the old dark purple which had been coming off, so they looked a bit shoddy but I had run out of time) I was ready to go. My heart started pounding before I had even left the door. I was terrified actually. Because Carl and I are such good friends. Because I have seen Carl’s bookshelf, and it is intimidating. Books about g-spots, erogenous zones, pleasure for the women etc etc. Once when we were drunk and making out he tied me to his bed, with ties he already has attached to his bed posts. It was quite a surprise, but I loved it. I wondered if they would be involved. That same night he showed me his “sex drawer”, filled with condoms, flavoured lubes, toys etc. All this, plus the 6 month wait of anticipation, combined with the last week of crazed jealousy over his (Now EX, thank fuck) Girlfriend and the lead up to the 25th made my headspin, my breath quicken and my heart race as I left my house.
Carl lives very near to my place, about a ten minute walk. We had chatted via text and agreed to meet at 2pm. He had suggested we go out for lunch, and I had agreed via text, but this was just to be amiable. I had no desire to go out for lunch. I was so nervous I could barely eat. I buzzed his flat, already getting sweaty from the sun, the walk and the nerves.
For some unknown reason I decided this would be a great idea to try to be funny. I put on a weird voice.
TAYLOR: Hi, I’m um, selling lamps.
CARL: Well, I’m expecting a friend to arrive, so, I’m sorry I can’t help you.
Silence. I went back to my normal voice.
TAYLOR: Oh, um, I see. That is a problem.
CARL: Oh Taylor, it’s you.
He laughed, then he buzzed me in. I realised I was breathing way too fast and I tried to catch my breath. I opened the gate and walked up the few stairs to his flat. His lounge has these large glass windows and a glass door which looks out onto a little patio. The door was open, I walked in. He wasn’t in the lounge nor the adjoining kitchen. His music was playing loudly. I went into his study. There he was, sitting in his chair playing around on his pc. He stood up when he saw me and walked over to greet me. Carl is about half a metre taller than me, and I reached up to hug him.
CARL: I was so confused by the lamp thing, I didn’t even realise it was you.
TAYLOR: Haha, yeah, I was just messing around.
He led me into the kitchen and offered me some tea. I tried to control my breathing. I said yes to tea, and sat at the kitchen counter. I realised his counter was quite dirty, well, by Carl’s OCD standards it was, with dishes lying about and an unwiped counter. He saw me looking at them and said
CARL: Yeah, there is no water. Otherwise I would have cleaned up before you arrived.
TAYLOR: Oh, that’s alright, I don’t mind.
He put some Chai tea down in front of me. It was too milky.
CARL: After this, shall we go?
TAYLOR: Would it be alright if we hung out here for a while first?
He picked up his tea and moved to his couch, gesturing for me to follow him. I put my tea down on the coffee table, and sat next to him on the couch. He put his arm around me, and I tried to relax my body into the crook of his arm. I was so tense, it was difficult. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my face into his neck. How long had it been since I had done this? Months. My tension combined with suddenly being so close to him that I could breathe in the smell of him made me dizzy.
CARL: God, your heart is beating fast.
TAYLOR: I know. I’ve been…very nervous. I’ve been feeling strange all week, you’ve probably noticed.
CARL: Yeah, I did. Are you alright?
TAYLOR: Yes. It’s just –
I suddenly had no grasp of the English language.
TAYLOR: It’s that I was really surprised you wanted to…you know, have sex. Because you said you weren’t attracted to me anymore. And that was a really hard thing to hear. And yet here we are now, so I guess, I am just wondering how you were able to turn the attraction back on.
CARL: Honestly, Taylor, I don’t know. It’s just something I realised I wanted to explore with you before you left.
TAYLOR: Okay. Well, I am happy you did. Are you hungry? If you are could we order in?
CARL: I’m not that hungry. But we could do that.
TAYLOR: I am tired of having to pretend that I am not attracted to you. And I know that Girlfriend just left, so I don’t want to be draping myself all over you in public. But I don’t think I can stop myself. So it’s probably safer if we stay here…
He laughed, his charming, deep chuckle. He smiled at me.
CARL: I was actually wondering if you would come to a dinner with me tonight, as my date. It’s (“Some Random Person I Barely Know”, let’s call her Bree) Bree’s farewell tonight, but I know I promised to spend the day with you.
TAYLOR: Won’t they find it strange that you suddenly have a new girl on your arm?
CARL: Well, I am not that into Public Displays of Affection anyway, and if anyone does ask, I will just tell them I am poly.
TAYLOR: Okay, then sure.
There was a pause. I was starting to relax a bit, and I was starting to tingle all over. I wasn’t sure how to broach the sex subject. Should I go into the bathroom and come out naked? In underwear? I wasn’t sure.
CARL: So if we do order in, what do you want to eat?
That seemed to do it. He laughed and kissed me. Carl has a very unique way of kissing, it was one of the first things I noticed about him. He starts off by holding his mouth away from yours for just a second longer than is usual, to increase the anticipation. I was about to find out, Carl LOVES to increase anticipation. Once he feels you’ve waited long enough he presses his mouth down hard on yours, breathing in through his nose to indicate his desire, his passion for you. He lightly nibbles on your lower lip, caressing your tongue with his.
As our kissing heated up I found myself getting wet at the prospect of what else he might be able to do with that skilled tongue of his. I had spoken to Carl a lot in the past about the kind of things I enjoyed sexually. One of the most notable conversations I recall was when we were chatting about how sexual fantasies are very seldom politically correct. In almost every aspect of my life I am assertive and in control. My very chosen field highlights this (Theatre director) need to control. But in bed I love to be dominated. I love to have someone hold me down, be a little rough with me, tell me they’re going to have their way with me (I don’t mean every time, and I don’t mean painfully.) It appears Carl remembered this conversation. He stood up, leaned down to kiss me further and pulled my legs towards him. I wrapped my legs around him, and he whispered
CARL: Put your arms around my neck, and hold on.
I did, and he picked me up. I laughed with delight. It’s been a long time since anyone literally carried me into their bedroom. I was a bit nervous though, as I am quite a curvy woman, and would definitely not consider myself to be light to pick up. As he was carrying me, I said
TAYLOR: Shame, are you alright?
He threw me down onto his bed, and said
CARL: No no, it’s Carl, not “Shane.”
I smacked him on the shoulder.
TAYLOR: Very funny.
He got on top of me and I could feel his hard on pressing against me through his jeans. He rubbed it between my thighs and I moaned in anticipation. We kissed like that for a while, and then he stood up and swung my legs around so that I was no longer sideways on his bed, but face up with my head resting on his pillows. He undid my belt, and traced his fingers from my bare neck, down over the thin fabric of my dress, tracing the outline of my breasts, allowing his fingers to come to rest gently between my legs. He reached under my dress and pulled off my tights.
He began to kiss my body. He kissed my inner thighs, and then began to nibble, lick and kiss all the way down each leg. When he began to lick behind my knees, in that sensitive area where I usually don’t like to be touched, I suddenly felt intense arousal. I had not realised before that when caressed in a certain way they could be an erogenous zone. When he got near to my feet I grew paranoid and prayed silently that they would not smell bad. If they did, he gave no indication as he kissed the tops of them gently. My g-string was soaked through at this point; I wanted to fuck him, I could take the anticipation no longer.
I sat up and reached for him, he kissed me quickly, and then pushed me back down onto the bed, holding my arms down and getting on top of me. He pushed my legs even wider open with his knees as he slowly, rhythmically ground his pelvis against mine. I began to tremble and moan with pleasure and excitement. When he sensed I my excitement mounting he let go of my arms only long enough to pull my dress over my head and deftly unhook and discard my bra. I was now clad only in my lacy black g-string. It was the middle of the day, there was no darkness to hide behind, no lights that I could reach to turn off. He sat back to survey my naked breasts. I tried to suck my stomach in, conscious that I wanted to look desirable. He was smiling down at me with longing as my chest rose and fell with my excited breathing. I reached up to touch his face. As I did so he grabbed my arm, his eyes glinting, and forced it down behind me. He reached behind his bed with his other arm and pulled out one of the ties tied to his bed posts. He slipped my hand into it, and pulled it tight. He then did the same with my other hand.
Spread eagled, tied to his bed, I was now totally at his mercy.
To be continued…