“I’ll have a large order of drama to go with a side order of sex, please” part 5


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Chapter 2: The Almost Threesome from Hell, Part 2

This post follows from Part 4, the story continues directly.


Kelly said, “No that story is embarrassing, it makes me look bad!” To which CCG responded, “No it doesn’t, it’s funny. But you don’t have to tell it.” “Well you’ve brought it up, so I have to tell it now.” she said. The story that CCG was so desperate for Kelly to recount to me was that, after their first date they went back to her place, and apparently CCG was being respectful and not presuming anything was going to happen. They had been kissing in the kitchen when apparently Kelly had said, “Stop being so fucking subtle” and pulled him by the collar into her bedroom. I don’t know why CCG was so desperate for me to hear this story, perhaps he was trying to show me how sexually desirable he was. It wasn’t working.

I excused myself and went to the bathroom. The walls were obviously very thin, or perhaps they were just talking very loudly, because I could hear them while I was in there. CCG said, “I can see why you keep her.” Um, what? Am I a pet? A sex slave? Is he saying he sees why she keeps me as a friend? How would he know? He has known me for twenty minutes. Kelly responded, “I know right, she is awesome.” I smiled at this, and waited to see if they would say anything else, but it was quiet.  So I rinsed my hands, and went to resume my place on the sex couch.

CCG did not leave us alone for one second that afternoon. I told Kelly about the tough year I was having, the fallout I had had with many friends not understanding my polyamory and judging me for it. That I had had to quit my bartending job to avoid certain people who had hurt me to such a level that I couldn’t be in the same room as them (will do a long post about this stuff in detail at some point. A man named Theo broke my heart over and over again this year, and basically lived in the bar where I worked). We chatted about my views that society can’t handle sexually positive and overt females and so tries to slut shame them. I also spoke about the struggles I was having with my thesis. CCG tried to involve himself constantly on every topic. He repeatedly interrupted both Kelly and I. Kelly would respond with, “Babe, I’m talking.” Or “Babe I’m in the middle of a sentence” but he would just ignore her, and carry on talking over her. I tried to keep talking when he interrupted me, focusing my speech at Kelly, because I really didn’t care what CCG had to say or thought about what I was saying. His interjections sounded as though they were directly copy-pasted from Wikipedia to his lips. I find this a lot with people who are desperate to be thought of as smart: They use very big words and phrases they have memorized, for example, he kept saying, “yes it’s an ad hominem fallacy”.  Why not just say, “yes, they’re attacking you personally instead of engaging with your argument/belief system.” It means the same thing. Using big words does not make you smart, and in this case, it made him look like a pretentious douche. Because he repeated that phrase about 7 times.

He also repeatedly told me how attractive I was, how he could see why Kelly was so attracted to me, and asked if I would be keen to “play around” with both of them later that evening. I tried to avoid the questions, because, yes I wanted to sleep with Kelly, but I did not want to sleep with CCG. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. So I either ignored the questions, or laughed and then changed the subject. At one point, perhaps CCG is not as obtuse as I thought, and was getting the hint, CCG said, “Of course, if just you and Kelly want to reconnect alone together I would be okay with that. I would be really upset, and I would probably listen at the door, but I would be okay with it.” I so desperately wanted to say, “Yes that’s what I want!!! Thank you! Thank you!” But I didn’t say anything. I don’t really know why. Maybe I have a problem being assertive. Maybe I didn’t want to hurt CCG’s feelings, let him know how unattractive I found him to his face. I think it was a combination of those, as well as being in their personal space and wanting to keep Kelly happy. And when CCG said this, Kelly didn’t say anything. Which seemed to indicate that if any sex was to happen, she wanted CCG to be involved. History was repeating itself: If I wanted to fuck Kelly, I was going to have to let the creepy man she was attracted to be involved.

Kelly cooked us supper, it was an ostrich stew with rice. I had never eaten ostrich before, and didn’t really like the taste of it, but I didn’t want to offend her so I ate most of it. While we ate we watched “Rock of Ages”, the three of us on the couch, with Kelly, thankfully, in the middle, so that I could easily brush against her and smell the sweet combination of her sweat and her skin. I’d never seen Rock of Ages before, I found it entertaining and enjoyed a lot of the music, occasionally singing along to some of the songs (yes, I am one of THOSE people). At one point CCG said, “Oh, she knows Whitesnake! What a turn on.” I feel as though someone needs to sit CCG down and just tell him he is trying way too hard. When the movie ended CCG came to sit next to me and asked, “So are you keen for anything to happen?” I swallowed. I realized there was another reason I found him so unappealing, and that was his accent and his lisp. I won’t mention his exact accent as I don’t want to give away too much about my actual location, but it isn’t one I find particularly appealing. And there was something very strange about the way he moved his mouth and formed his words, something almost childlike, which seemed very odd on this grown, hairy, bearded, pierced, 2 tone hair-dyed man. I had picked up on it right away, and couldn’t stop focusing on it. I once found someone with a lisp really attractive, so maybe it was just that it was the lisp, combined with the accent, combined with his general demeanor and eagerness. I felt like quite a bitch when I discovered why he had the lisp. It had come up in conversation that afternoon that CCG had taken 2 weeks leave recently due to needing dental surgery. Apparently his inept dentist had put braces on him as a young child without realizing that his milk teeth hadn’t fallen out yet, and with nowhere to go, his adult teeth had grown up into his upper jaw, while his milk teeth rotted and decayed. Thus his entire top row of teeth was actually a denture, but I didn’t realize this til the next morning when I saw them soaking in a glass on the basin. But even with the backstory, and knowing it made me a bitch, I still found it really unappealing. He had also mentioned that since he had had this surgery so recently, he wasn’t allowed to use his jaw much, and so he couldn’t go down on anyone for a while. I celebrated in my head, hoping this meant that he wouldn’t try to engage with me too much.

In response to his question, “So are you keen for anything to happen?” I said, “Um, it’s likely, but I want to go out first. I’m almost never in this town and I want to go out”. In reality, I wanted more alcohol to make me feel less awkward. The glass of wine with supper had not been enough. He said, “Okay but kiss me first.” So I did. He had a very big mouth and he kind of slobbered on me a lot around my mouth from opening his mouth too wide. I pulled away from him as quick as I could without seeming rude, and then Kelly pulled me toward her and kissed me. It lasted for much longer and she tasted distantly familiar. After we broke apart she said, “I’ve been wanting to do that since you walked in the door.” I smiled at her. CCG broke in and said, “We can go out but we don’t have any money, we only have our wedding fund, and we can’t spend any of that.” So I offered to buy them each a drink, because I desperately wanted to get out of the house for a bit, and I hoped that maybe at a bar I might be able to get Kelly alone a bit more. They agreed, and while Kelly and I put on some make-up, CCG put on some of the scariest metal plated platform shoes I have ever seen. Having had my right foot cracked by a man wearing a shoe very similar to that in 2007, I prayed he would be keeping his feet away from me. Kelly then put on some ridiculously high stilettos. Apparently having the alcohol tolerance of a small squirrel Kelly appeared to be already stumbling all over the place after only one glass of wine, and her chosen shoes for the evening were not helping.

We got into CCG’s car and he drove us to a smoky bar, his metal music blasting the whole way there making conversation impossible. The night was hot and a gust of humid air hit us as we got out the car so that we were sweating by the time we entered the bar. I got us each a drink, flirting with the bartender a little because now I was in a flirty, come hither mood. CCG made a point of putting an arm around both of us as much as possible, as if to say to ever other man in the room, “Yup, they’re BOTH mine. Wanna compare dick size now???”. This annoyed me to no end. Yes I had resigned myself to probably having to fuck him, but I did not feel like being paraded around as this asshole’s trophy. So I kept claiming that the alcohol had “gone straight through me” and dragging Kelly off to the bathroom with me, where, thankfully, CCG could not come in (well, not unless he wanted a lot of dirty looks from all the girls in it.) We locked ourselves into a stall and made out for ten minutes, until eventually CCG came knocking on the main bathroom door shouting out for us to hurry the fuck up.

CCG then made a point of making out with us each in turn, and then expecting us to make out in front of him. It all felt quite staged, but I went along with it, enjoying kissing Kelly, and allowing CCG to slobber on me as long as was polite. I did not hide the fact that I wiped mouth every time after he kissed me.  When I went to buy us some shots the bartender asked me why I was kissing everyone, and I just shrugged. He asked me if I would kiss him, and I said, sure okay, but then a woman appeared behind the bar and he whispered that that was his girlfriend and that he would try to find me later.

I had the sudden urge to smoke. Maybe it was the horniness, the feeling of being watched in a bar, all the smoke around  me, the alcohol, but I needed a cigarette. I hadn’t smoked in 2 weeks, I had been trying to quit, and it turned out CCG had also been trying to quit, and hadn’t smoked in 3 months. I didn’t care. I found the box of cigarettes still in my handbag from weeks before and realized there was only one left. I said to CCG, “I’m sorry, I know you’re trying to quit, but I need one. I will just have the one.” He said, “It’s fine, just give me a drag because otherwise you will taste bad.” I wished I did, maybe then he would stop. He took several drags, and the cigarette was soon gone. I craved another. I spotted a relatively attractive man in his forties smoking and I sauntered over and asked him for a cigarette. He was very obliging. I leaned forward so that he could light my cigarette, and enjoyed the attention he was giving me. I realized that Kelly and CCG were arguing about something, so I entertained myself for the next half an hour or so by seeing how many of the men in this bar would give me a cigarette. Now, in the small town I am from, I am not considered that attractive. The people who do know about my polyamory, most of them think it is odd, some have gone as far as to call me a “whore”. Maybe it is the fact that I have lived here for 6 years and everybody knows everyone in this tiny student town, so there is nothing novel about me anymore. But it seems as though every time I go to a big city I am leered at by men. It’s refreshing. It’s an ego boost. I realized that I could probably have slept with quite a few people at that bar if I had wanted to. This made me feel good.

Eventually I wondered back to CCG and Kelly to find out what was going on, and because I was starting to get bored. They both stood up as I arrived and CCG said, “Just wait here, we need to go and draw money.” And so they just left me there, before I could say, “I thought you didn’t have any money?”. So I sat in the corner smoking my many cigarettes which I had accumulated for about twenty minutes until they reappeared. They said, “Let’s go”, but I said I had money for one more drink why don’t we share it? And they agreed. I got one more drink, and left it with CCG for a bit, who also took my cigarette out of my hand, and Kelly and I went to the bathroom for a bit. She didn’t seem shy about peeing in front of me, and so I did the same, but there was nothing sexual about it.

By the time we got back CCG had finished both the drink and the cigarette. Oh well, guess it was time to leave then. I realized they were still fighting as we got into the car and CCG punched something into the GPS.  It was going something like this:

CCG: But it’s our wedding fund and now we have to go there in the middle of the night.

Kelly: Babe, but I am jonesing for one so bad! Please don’t be mad at me!

CCG: But you’re already drunk!

Kelly: Yes, but I want a joint!

They continued like this for quite a while ad nauseum. We arrived at some affluent suburb, CCG’s music still blaring, trying to locate the drug dealer.  Kelly the number she had for him, and a phone rang somewhere to our right. He was standing behind a large gate. As he let us in, he said, “Jees, you guys were making such a noise.” We had just been told off by a drug dealer.

To be continued…



Lady Taylor

The Liebster Blog Award


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First off sorry I have not yet posted Chapter 2, Part 2 yet, my thesis is killing me and is due on Friday. It’s coming I promise (pun intended).

A kind soul nominated me for the Liebster blog award (you should check out her blog http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com, it’s insightful, intelligent, well-written and  a definite read for any sex positive people).

So here are the RULES of accepting the Liebster award, which I will try my best to follow,

* When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

*Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)

* One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.

* One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one’s own blog!

* One pastes the award picture into ones blog. (You can google the image, there are plenty of them!)

11 Random facts about me

1. I have 3 cats, all were saved from the animal shelter. If I had more money and space to feed and house them I would have about 60 more. Also dogs. And chinchillas. I also have 2 rats. Ron has banned me from going to the animal shelter because he says everytime I do I come home with a cat.

2. I once cheated on a test in Grade 4. I had been sick and had to re-write it while all the other kids went to PE class, and I took my textbook out and used it. I got 100%. I still feel guilty about it, because I associate being good at academics as a vital part of my personality.

3. I have fantasies about being a porn star and experimenting with orgies and double penetration (my favourite kind of porn to watch.) But it remains a fantasy, actually doing it might not be as fun as it looks…

4. Sasha Grey once replied to one of my messages on facebook. YES! Sasha Grey replied to me! My life has meaning! It was about anal sex, I asked if it was sore, and she said yes at first, but “time heals everything.” She didn’t reply to my follow up message.

5. I love to crochet, almost every friend of mine has some sort of crocheted item I have made them, it allows me to procrastinate while keeping me stimulated and I get to have nice pretty things to keep at the end.

6. I had a bit of a shoplifting problem in high school, shoplifting jewelry, books, clothes. It’s amazing I didn’t get caught. I did it for the rush, it’s the same kind you get when you masturbate or have sex in a place where you could be found. I am very grateful that I didn’t get caught however, as I am now a bit more of a grown up and am pleased to not have a criminal record.

7. I have more clothes than can fit in my cupboard, and so most of them lie on the floor, which I guess makes me something of a slob.

8. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have been on medication for it since I was 14 years old. I used to fantasise about suicide a lot, as I was badly bullied in primary school and then later in high school, and could not see a light at the end of the tunnel. I attempted it once, with pills, my brother caught me taking them and forced me to throw them up.

9. This year, I cried on my birthday (thanks to the guy I mention in my answer to question 4)

10. I’m terrified of being insignificant.

11. There are only 3 people I can never forgive in this world. Everyone and everything else I try to forgive, to ease my own emotions.

Eleven questions for me to answer:

1. What was your first sexual experience like?

I don’t want to go into too much detail, but my first sexual experience was forced and not something I like to think about. Much prefer my current sex life 🙂
2. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?

I have never been out of my own country alas. It’s a financial thing, it would just be too expensive to travel. But if I could fantasise I think I would like to move to London, there is a college there which offers a course allowing one to become a registered Drama Therapist which is something I would love. You can’t do that course anywhere in my country.
3. Do your friends and family know you have a blog? Why or why not?

No, I come from a highly conservative family who do not even know that I am polyamorous. I have gone to great lengths to hide the real names and places I talk about because I don’t want to embarrass anyone, or have anyone be furious at me  for blogging about them. I also blog under a pseudonym because I don’t think the world is quite ready to be totally accepting of openly sex-positive, lots of sex having women, and I wouldn’t want prospective employers googling me and finding out I blog about sex. Might be sad, but it’s necessary.
4. What are some songs that remind you of your current relationship(s)?

I think most people can relate to Gotye’s “Somebody that I used to know”, which describes how I felt a lot of this year while being emotionally destroyed through a rollercoaster of relationship with a manipulative emotional sociopathic sadist. And yet I kept going back to him. Made me feel like I hated myself, like I wasn’t worth anything to anyone. He used to ignore me in public and then booty call me at 4am.
5. What is one of your favorite meals to eat for dinner?

Pizza. I get so lazy and exhausted that I often just order in, and thus waste my money and eat too many carbs…
6. Tell us one of your funny or embarrassing dating experiences.

Oh dear, I have too many of these. Probably the most embarassing was when i went down on a guy to stop him going down on me because he was so bad and vicious at it. He started to make strange noises and I said “Do you want me to stop?” and he said “Too late!!” and came. In about 12 seconds. Oh well, no sex for me!
7. What do you think about marriage?

I think it’s something everyone should have a right to.
8. Name a book you would recommend to your blog readers?

The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution by Elisabeth Lloyd
9. Name something out of the ordinary that you have done sexually. It can be an act, a place you’ve had sex, whatever.

I once had a guy go down on me, and went down on him, on a pool table in a bar that he owned in the middle of the day. It was AWESOME. I want a pool table now.
11. What is the most annoying habit of the opposite sex (or people you are dating of the same sex)?

Well, specific to Ron it’s his clumsiness. Seriously he could knock anything over. He walks into doors. He stands on stuff. He has broken almost every mug we own. It was endearing at first, now it’s just a bit much.

With men in general it is not being able to communicate well or be able to reply to messages promptly. Seriously, I once had a boyfriend pretend to leave the country rather than just break up with me. Communication, it’s not that hard.

The 11 blogs I am nominating, that you should check out:

1. http://epilili.wordpress.com/

2. http://laurasusanneyochelson.com/

3. http://frontrangescribbles.com/

4. http://theharemsmaster.wordpress.com/

5. http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/

6. http://bellaisabella15.wordpress.com/

7. http://fishseeksbicycle.wordpress.com/

8. http://thepyx.wordpress.com/

9. http://ladyornot.com/

10. http://geekydork.wordpress.com/

11. http://liberalkim.wordpress.com/

11 questions for those who accept this award:

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 how satisfied would you say you are right now with your life? Why?

2. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

3. What do you think about astrology?

4. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done sexually?

5. If you could be a super hero what power would you choose to have?

6. Who or what would you most want to dress up as for Halloween?

7. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry?

8. How do you feel about pets?

9. If you could be doing anything right now, what would it be?

10. Share an embarassing secret?

11. Name 3 of your favourite books.


Lady Taylor

“I’ll have a large order of drama to go with a side order of sex, please” part 4


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Chapter 2: The Almost Threesome from Hell, Part 1

A BIT OF BACKSTORY: Kelly aka “One of the many that got away.”

In 2009 I met a girl, let’s call her Kelly. I didn’t know it then, but she would become the benchmark by which I would measure all women I would later be attracted to. I was instantly attracted to Kelly and was very pleased to discover that she, too, was bisexual. We both took part in a nude photo exhibition as part of a “My Body My Choice” campaign and ended up hanging out a lot during the process – plus when the photos were exhibited we got to see each other in various states of undress. We’d now seen each other naked and it wasn’t awkward, thankfully.

Kelly appeared to be as drawn to me as I was to her. There was just one problem: Kelly did not know what the fuck she wanted! Having gotten out of a 6-year relationship which imploded about a year earlier, Kelly had since been playing the field and not committing to anything. In 2009 I had not yet begun exploring polyamory, I wanted a committed exclusive relationship. I wanted Kelly to be my girlfriend. And Kelly wanted to fuck people. A lot. And so Kelly and I began fooling around, hanging out a lot, cuddling, making out, groping. We hadn’t had sex yet. One night we were out in a group of friends and Kelly had brought along this weasel of a man with a ponytail whom she apparently found attractive

DISCLAIMER: I later started sleeping with this weasel of a man, so I eventually understood the attraction. That doesn’t change the fact that he is a douche, and also, quite slimey. I just have a penchant for slimey, douche weasels.

But at this stage I found SlimeyMan to be quite unappealing. He was drooling all over Kelly, and she appeared to be very into it. She was also acting really into me though, groping both of us at this bar we had gone to, the rest of the group having disappeared realizing that something strange was going on with the three of us. At one point SlimeyMan went to the bathroom, and Kelly kissed me, then said “Taylor, I can’t make up my mind. I want you both. Could we all go to your place?” I have never been very good at saying,  “No” to people I am really attracted to and desperately want to fuck, and I realized that if I wanted to fuck Kelly, it appeared that  I was going to have to fuck SlimeyMan too, or at least let him be involved. I had had one threesome before, when I had just turned 18, and it had been awkward, and with a couple who had broken up. She had been into him, he was into me, and then she hated me. So, it was not a pleasant threesome. I did not know what to expect from this one, but I was afraid it would be just as awkward. Both SlimeyMan and I really wanted to fuck Kelly, and were relatively indifferent to one another.

So we went back to my place to fuck. I proceeded to drink more than I usually would, trying to give myself some courage and force myself to relax. I suggested we stay in my lounge and do it on the couch, as my room was in total chaos, and I had hidden all the random shit and hung up washing in there in case I had people over, and they wouldn’t think I was a crazy hoarder who never cleans up. Kelly wanted to fuck on my futon though, so she insisted on going into my room, and carrying my washing and any other random shit lying on the bed – which included dirty clothes, random books, shoes and other embarrassing shit which are a reminder of the mundane, everyday life as opposed to being even remotely related to fun or sexiness – into the lounge. Once she was satisfied my room was now suitable, she dragged us both into it. I can’t really remember much of this threesome to be honest, I had drunk far too much and it happened nearly 4 years ago now. I remember it not being as awkward as I thought it would be, I remember wanting to focus on Kelly, but trying to do stuff with SlimeyMan also to try and make the threesome work, and make her happy. That’s one of the things about my relationship and friendship with Kelly, I’ve always wanted to give her what she wanted. I remember kissing her breasts and playing with her clit while he fucked her. I remember him going down on me at one point, very roughly so I didn’t enjoy it. I remember making out with her a lot, and a little with him. I remember going down on her while he fucked me at one point. I also remember I didn’t come at all that night. Things were strained, and a bit awkward the next morning. They both kissed me goodbye, and I remember feeling relieved when I had my house to myself again. I was also elated at having been able to get so physically close to Kelly the night before.

It had certainly been an experience, but it wasn’t something I had enjoyed very much overall. Thankfully things did not become awkward between Kelly and I; in fact, shortly after the threesome, she told me she had real feelings for me, and that maybe after we got back from the 2 week vacation coming up we could try being in an actual relationship. I was ecstatic. The threesome compromise had paid off, and she had chosen me. She went to Place by the Sea for her holiday, and I went to Tiny Annoying Town to see my parents for a while. Kelly and I chatted a lot over text for the first week, but suddenly she got really quiet. At first I didn’t think anything was up, and didn’t really mind. But I did miss her a lot, and was looking forward to getting back to see her. And then on the Friday before term was to start again, I noticed the following on facebook: Kelly is now in a relationship with Some Random Man. I couldn’t believe it. I was hoping it was a joke, like how friends sometime pretend they are married or dating or whatever on facebook because they think it’s amusing.

It wasn’t a joke. As soon as I got back I asked Kelly if I could see her, and she said “Yes, that’ll be good, I’ve missed you and also, there is something I need to tell you.” I already knew, she had made it facebook public for fucksakes. She told me she was devastated to hurt me, but that over the holiday she had met “the man she was going to marry.” I think I was quite pathetic. I cried a lot, and we hugged a lot, and we lay on her bed together. I remember resting my head on her breast. She would always wear these soft knit jerseys, and she smelt like perfume and wool and skin. How she went from total commitment phobia to “I’m going to marry this man, even though I have only known him for 2 weeks, and we’re starting our relationship by making it long distance” I don’t know. But she wanted him, she had decided, and it was final. We agreed to stay friends, but we parted ways romantically at that stage. At the end of that year, she finished her degree and moved back home to Place by the Sea. I stayed on to do my post-grad. Although we stayed in contact, we wouldn’t see each other in person again until this year.


Kelly did not marry Some Random Guy, they broke up after about a year and a half. The mean, jealous part of me felt somewhat vindicated by this, even though I was now in a relationship with Ron. I never met Some Random Guy, and she has never really told me too much about why they broke up, but I know that they fought a lot. Kelly’s taste in men has always sucked horribly (although I’m one to talk I guess), and she is currently engaged to be married to CreepyCreepyGuy (CCG for short). The wedding is to take place in December, God help us all. Why such an incredible creature has decided to become legally attached to CCG, one can only speculate, for there cannot be a logical answer. I had only seen photos of CCG before this year, and on meeting him, my original opinion of his unattractiveness was confirmed.

DISCLAIMER: My dislike for CCG is not subtle, I find him very unattractive and very unappealing. However, my dislike for him may have been intensified by my intense feelings for Kelly, and jealousy that he gets to share her life in a way that I don’t, as her primary partner. So feel free to read all of my encounters and descriptions of him through that lens. My descriptions of events are entirely honest, however. And he really is a douche.

To give you a bit of a timeline, having met up and slept with The Shy Boy from Chapter 1 on Thursday night, and spent the day with him Friday, I went to stay with Kelly and CCG on Saturday night. Kelly and I had, separately, both started exploring Polyamory this year, and so I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to go and see her. I knew that I was still attracted to her, and still feel as though she never really gave our relationship a chance; but all of our text and facebook communication had been friendly, and not overtly flirty. Perhaps we were both too scared to broach the subject before the meeting. She lives with CCG in a small flat in a large complex about 30 minutes drive from my brother’s place. Thus she suggested that he drop me off. I would stay for supper and a movie, stay over, and then she and CCG would drive me back the next day.

Not sure what to expect; I tried to accentuate the stern but sexy librarian look again: wearing a grey and black knit dress (because I know how much Kelly loves knits), tight fitting with a loose polo neck (so no visible cleavage), and a belt as usual to give me the appearance of an hour glass figure. I wore my red hair up in a tight bun, some patterned leggings, black boots and bright red lipstick. I felt attractive, but not overtly sexual. I hadn’t brought any matching underwear with me on this trip – because I actually had no idea I would be getting naked in front of people as much as I did when I packed – and so turquoise panties and a purple wonderbra were going to have to do. Having learnt something from the Scott incident, I packed quite an extensive overnight bag, this time fully prepared for the weather to change. I was not going to have to trek through mud again in 3 quarter pants, that was for sure.

I was dropped off at the gate to Kelly’s apartment complex, and told my brother he could go. I texted Kelly that I had arrived. The wind was bitingly cold, making my eyes water and going straight through the knit of my dress to my skin. It made my nipples hard, and I hoped that Kelly and CCG wouldn’t notice. While I waited, a car drove out and the gate opened, and so I wondered in. I had no idea what number apartment Kelly was in, so I just loitered in the parking lot for a while. I knew that she lived with CCG, and had not yet met him at this stage, but I hoped that maybe he wouldn’t be there, or that he would be willing to give us some space so that we could catch up just the two of us. Sex wasn’t really even on my mind at this point, I just wanted some time alone with Kelly after all these years apart. I was suddenly aware of the huge overnight bag at my side, and I hoped Kelly wouldn’t think I was trying to move in permanently. And then I saw her.  She’d walked down some stairs and stepped out into view, her hair pulled back into an easy ponytail. She was beaming at me. I beamed back and she shouted, “Hello you!” and pulled me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes as the smell of her brought back memories; desires for her which had been long since filed away into a distant folder.

We immediately fell into an easy, comfortable space, as if we hadn’t been apart at all. As we made our way up the stairs to her flat, she asked me how I was, and I began to recount the Scott story to her, explaining to her how I was really sad that he had promised to text me, and hadn’t. We entered her small flat, and it was in chaos. Her kitchen and lounge were in one room, separated by a counter, and both were filled with clothes, washing, gaming consoles, and general paraphernalia. I didn’t mind much, as this tends to be how I live. She also has 2 small dogs and 2 cats. As I was about to lean down to pat the dogs, a man appeared out of a room to my left. I had seen pictures of him, and I could tell by his two-tone hair (half of his hair is dyed bright pink, and the other bright blue. I think he is going for like a punky look?) down to his shoulders that this was CCG. And he had no pants on. Seriously, he knew I was coming over, knew Kelly had gone to let me in, and he had no pants on. No freaking pants! Just underwear. This was actually a good introduction to his personality: a kind of forceful, I don’t care if I make you feel uncomfortable, you WILL pay attention to me attitude. He said, “Sorry! I was just on a conference call, and didn’t have a chance to get dressed.” Kelly laughed and said, “Taylor this is CCG, CCG this is Taylor.” “Hi.” I said.

“Hi” he said, smiling, and then disappearing into their bedroom.

Kelly led me to their couch which has been set up in front of a large television, hooked up to a computer. We chatted some more about Scott, as I was bombarded by her dogs, and I began to tell her about what sleeping with Scott had been like. This might seem odd, but Kelly and I have always been extremely open with each other when it comes to talking about our personal lives. Besides, I’m always accused of oversharing. Thankfully she doesn’t seem to see it that way.  Kelly was in the middle of telling me she didn’t think I would be hearing from Scott again, based on his behavior, and that I should try to forget about him, when CCG walked into the room and literally interrupted her in the middle of her sentence. He did this a lot while I was there. In fact you could play a drinking game: Take a shot every time CCG interrupts someone midsentence, take a double when it is his own fiancé. You would be catatonic and in need of a liver transplant within about 2 hours. As he came into the room I realized that their bedroom door had been open and he had been listening to every word I had said. He plonked himself down on a stool in front of us and said, “I want to hear more of the story.” I responded, “Well that’s pretty much the whole thing. Something I was hoping would be more seems to have turned into a one-night stand.” He responded, “Well, he is an idiot. You know if you lose those clothes later maybe Kelly and I could help you forget all about him.”

I nearly fell off the couch. Here I was, his fiance’s sort of ex-girlfriend, whom he had JUST met 6 minutes ago, and he had already proposed a threesome. I remember thinking “Holy shit I am going to be stuck with him, because I have to stay here tonight.” Kelly laughed and said, “Baby, that has to be the fastest you’ve ever propositioned someone. Taylor, you’ve inspired a new record.” Not knowing what else to do I laughed and said, “Yeah, what was that, like a whole 6 minutes?” CCG said, “Well, we’ve been having some good success with threesomes lately. In fact just last weekend we were fucking another girl right where you are sitting” he said, gesturing at me. He turned to Kelly, saying, “And, what’s wrong with that? I mean she came in here talking about sex.”

Okay fine, yes I did. But to KELLY. Someone I have known for 4 years. Someone I have been intimate with, and have a friendship with. And even if I did start talking about sex immediately to a total stranger, does that automatically mean I am easy, that I will be happy to be immediately propositioned by and fuck that stranger? Apparently in CCG’s world, yes. Yes, it does.

Not yet sure how I felt about sitting right where they had apparently been fucking someone – although I am sure we all do this every day, having no idea – I said, “Yes, I did come in talking about sex because I was trying to ask Kelly for advice.” He ignored that comment and said, “Hang on, babe, is this THE Taylor?” He turned to me without waiting for a response from Kelly, “Are you THAT Taylor?” Having no fucking idea what he was referring to, I just raised my eyebrows while Kelly said, “Yes, she is that Taylor.”

“Awesome!” CCG said. ”I get to meet the woman you had your first threesome with! And wow, I can see why.” Kelly laughed at this, apparently used to CCG being horribly embarrassing. Well, she must be, if she is going to marry him. I laughed awkwardly, suppressing my urge to bolt out of the room as I really wanted to spend time with Kelly. I said, “Yeah I guess I’m that Taylor.” He raised his hand to me, expecting a high five, while saying, “So I guess I have you to thank for the fact that my wife-to-be is so kinky.” Not knowing what else to do, I gave him a lackluster high five. I became conspicuously aware that he was staring at my breasts. If he could have been drooling, he would have been. It wasn’t subtle either, he didn’t care that I knew he was staring at them. He was literally leaning forward on his stool, eyes locked on my chest. I found some great renditions of what CCG looks like in my head:


(Those artists are all awesome, go check out their pages.)

Now I am forward, and I overshare a lot, but Holy Hell I had never experienced someone this blatant and forward before in my life. Desperate to fill the awkward, breast staring silence, I said, “Wow I haven’t thought about that threesome in a long time. You know I was only sleeping with SlimeyMan because I wanted to sleep with you?”

Kelly smiled at this, and said “I know, and I love you for it. Looking back I had a much better time with you, I should have just chosen to go home with you. But it certainly was an experience.”

I smiled back at her, saying, “Yes it was.” I was elated that she had said that she loved me for it. Present tense, not past. She reached out and touched my shoulder, saying, “I was so happy to hear that you guys might be moving here next year. And also that you and Ron are polyamorous now. I feel like, we never really got to explore, you and I. We never really got the chance to fully experience our relationship.” I bit back a response that, yes, that was because she had chosen someone else over me. “And if you move here, maybe that’s something we could try and explore again.” As she said those words, I realized I had desperately been hoping for this, desperately hoping she would still want me. That it wasn’t just me who had been asking, “What if?” all these years. I grinned at her, placing my hand over hers, and said, “I’d like that.”

At this point CCG piped up, saying, “Hey Kelly did you ever tell her about our first date? You should tell her that story!” Oh for fucksake, I forgot he was still here!

To be Continued…




Lady Taylor

Short break: Thesis time

The second chapter, “The Almost Threesome from Hell” in my series of posts about my ten days away entitled “I’ll have a large order of drama to go with a side order of sex, please” will only be out at the end of this week, as my first draft of my thesis is due this week and is stealing my full attention. 


Look out for it Thursday/Friday 🙂

Have a lovely week.



Lady Taylor


“I’ll have a large order of drama to go with a side order of sex, please” part 3


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Please note this post follows on from Part 2. The story continues directly.

Chapter 1: The Shy Boy, part 3.


I did not sleep well in Scott’s bed despite the lovely, soft comforter and the equally lovely and soft human next to me. His dog got under the covers with us, and tried to sleep in between us as often as possible. I would usually have found this cute, but this dog had already made it very clear how she felt about me, and I didn’t really want to sleep naked – except for my red panties – next to her. Scott moved her over to his side of the bed every time that he woke up and discovered her lying in between us, but she just made her way back again when he had fallen asleep again. But it wasn’t just the dog. My brain felt restless. I hadn’t drunk alcohol in about 3 weeks and I had had 4 drinks while we were at the bar and then the club and my stomach was protesting; feeling sensitive and sore. All in all I had around 3 hours of sleep on-and-off.

Scott woke up about 2 hours before his alarm, at around 7am, perhaps due to my restlessness.  He smiled at me, kissing my forehead and then my nose. He was remarkably affectionate to me that morning in bed, and throughout the night previously. I was quite surprised by this because we had not defined our relationship; or in fact spoken about it at all in any way, shape or form. We had developed a clear friendship over the months we had chatted over text and online, and we had now clearly established an attraction to one another, but what did sleeping together mean? Maybe something, maybe nothing. I wasn’t sure yet. I had spoken to Scott a lot about being polyamorous and he was fully aware that I had a primary partner back home (I can’t keep referring to him as my primary partner it’s too long and clunky. Let’s go with…Ron). He even admitted having facebook stalked Ron and I to try and see what he looked like, and find out more about our relationship, having never met someone openly polyamorous before. While Scott did say he understood my inability to be monogamous, he said little else regarding how he felt about my polyamory, and about the fact that I was already in a primary relationship. And thus I was surprised by his affection: I usually associate cuddling and affection with relationships in most cases, and more of a physical distance with a one-night-stand vibe. Most of my one-night-stands have not included cuddling or kissing after sex, and very little communication the next morning. A kind of “wham, bam, go away now so I can go back to my life.” I have not had a lot of success in sleeping with friends, it usually ends awkwardly and ruins the friendship (which is annoying and frustrating). And so I had no idea what to expect from Scott.

I liked the fact that he was being affectionate, it made me feel as though we were still close, and that this could turn into some kind of sexual relationship. Scott got out of bed to brush his teeth (I had learnt in my short time there that this boy was obsessed with dental hygiene and brushing his teeth before kissing me much) and so I followed suit and did the same. Looking into the bathroom mirror I realized I looked a bit like a cave woman, with smudged eye makeup and scary, disheveled hair. I tried to smooth my hair out and wipe away my raccoon eyes, without making it look like I had put too much effort into it, as he looked just as good the next morning as he had the night before. As soon as I came back he immediately pulled me onto the bed next to him and he began kissing me. I have always been a fan of an early morning orgasm and so I was instantly wet. He pulled my hips towards him and slipped his fingers underneath my panties as I opened my legs for him. As he explored me with his fingers, I reached out to take hold of his cock and began to give him a handjob. As the mutual masturbation continued and he played with my clit I started to lose my focus. I think the handjob suffered as my mind kept drifting off to bliss. I soon came, with my face buried in his neck, my hand on his cock and my body spasming. After about ten seconds of recovery, I pushed him onto his back, got underneath the blanket and went down on him again. In the same way that I have no idea where to look while receiving oral sex, I equally have no idea where to look while giving it. I know that in porn movies the girls usually look up at the man they are sucking, but alas I have not yet reached porn star confidence. So I was hidden beneath the blanket and he did not attempt to lift it at all.  The one problem I have experienced often from going down on someone under a blanket is the increasing feeling of heat and suffocation. I can’t say I am into that. And then the eternal conundrum: Do you spit or swallow? If you’re a guy, do you presume she wants you to come in her mouth, or do you pull out? I have heard very strong opinions on both sides of this one. A female friend I bartended with once said, “If a guy is going to go down on you with all that wetness, the least you can do is swallow.”  Another female friend described it as “warm, salty yogurt” and was not a fan of it. A male friend of mine mentioned that he felt it was disrespectful of a woman to presume that it was okay to come in her mouth. And then you get the idiots you have watched too much porn, see themselves as pornstars and presume you want them to come all over your face. No, we really don’t. At least not every time.

I personally usually pull away just before a man comes and use my hand alone for those last few seconds. It’s not that I dislike the taste of it, I don’t, it’s just that the actual act of swallowing it I sometimes find a bit weird. And I don’t know if spitting it out is considered rude. Also, where do you spit it? Do you get up and run away with cum in your mouth? That doesn’t seem like the sexiest, or even politest option. So I decided to leave it up to Scott in this situation: If he indicated he was about to come I would move my mouth away, if he didn’t I would just carry on. He ended up coming quite quickly, and being the silent lover that he is, I had no idea it was going to happen. Suddenly he let out a soft sigh and came in my mouth. My first instinct was to spit it out, but I caught myself half way through, and swallowed. I wiped my mouth, the back of my throat now warm and lay back next to him, saying “Sorry” and gesturing to the small combination of saliva and cum lying on his pubic area. He shrugged and said “No need to apologise.” I rolled over, and he drew me to him, and we spooned like that for a while as I felt his erection gradually subside. His alarm went off and we realized it was 9am.

Scott had mentioned the day before that if I stayed over I would need to come along with him to his University, and hang around while he had one class and then one meeting, and that then we would go out to lunch. The restaurant he had in mind was located near to where my brother works, and so Scott decided he would drop me off at my brother’s work at 6pm so that my brother could drive me back to our side of town. In other words, we were going to be forced to spend the entire day together, til 6pm. That morning I thought this would be an awesome thing, the prospect of hanging out all day with this awesome guy who I had had awesome sex with. I was wrong.


I mentioned that I could really use some coffee, and so we began to get out of bed. I realized that I had given Scott a small love bite on his neck the night before. I casually mentioned this to him, and immediately his demeanor changed. He asked “How big?” And I tried to assure him it was very small, but he got out of bed to go and look at it. He came back into the room looking very unhappy, so I added “Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I must have gotten a bit carried away.” I meant that as a compliment, and to try to ease the sudden tension in the room. But he said nothing, and just started putting his pajamas back on. So I got up and did the same. I followed him through to the kitchen and mentioned that I thought he had a really nice set up there. To which he responded, “Yeah I share this section with my parents though.” I sat down at the counter while Scott found a coffee plunger and tried to locate some coffee. He found some sachets, and asked if they would be alright, and I said, “I’m sure they will be” actually having no idea, I haven’t seen a lot of filter coffee that comes in a sachet… It was at about this point that I realized that Scott had no idea how to use a coffee plunger. He asked me if I did, and I said yes, but instead of giving it to me and letting me do it, he decided to go around the kitchen looking for a cookbook to tell him how to use it. I mean it’s a coffee plunger, not Fermat’s theorem! So I offered to try, again, and this time he gave it to me, while opening a cookbook (no doubt one of his mother’s) and trying to lookup how much coffee to use, and how long to leave it for. I, being a coffee addict, have known both those things since I was 12. So I put some coffee in and put the kettle on to boil. At this point, I heard a parrot screech and Scott mentioned, “Oh my mother is about to come through”. Apparently there is a parrot on the other side of the house that screeches when anyone walks past. Not having any energy to deal with the mother of the young boy I had just enjoyably played around with sexually, twice, I offered, “Should I go back to your room then?” And he said, “No, please stay.” Fuck… And I did. In she came, this housewife dressed in a silk dressing gown, into her kitchen. My presence clearly surprised her, as she widened her eyes and stopped in her tracks as soon as she saw me. She tried to recover, and not let me see her shock, as she said sweetly, “Oh, hello there. What a surprise.” Scott just smiled at her, clearly getting a kick out of this. I had inadvertently become a weapon against this boy’s – clearly conservative – mother. He said to her, “We were just trying to figure out how to use the plunger?” Um, no, Scott, we were not. I CAN USE A PLUNGER! So she came over and took it away from me, decided I had put too little coffee in it, and took over the coffee making process. While she was doing this, she decided to engage me in awkward conversation seeing as how Scott was being completely silent. She asked me where I was from, what I was studying etc etc. I did not want to be rude to this woman, but I did not feel like engaging in conversation either considering the current context we were in, so I tried to answer her, but as succinctly as possible. Eventually she left the kitchen, giving me strict instructions to push down the plunger after exactly 4 minutes.

And so Scott and I engaged in awkward cereal eating, and coffee drinking. I laughed and shook my head at the situation after his mom had left, but he said nothing. I reached out with my foot and I ran it along his leg, and he responded by smiling at me and putting his hand on my leg for a bit, but everything had started to feel strange, and forced. We went back to his room where he asked me if I wanted to shower, and I declined, knowing that I had none of my hair products with me and scared that my hair would go horribly frizzy without them. So he went off to shower. Scott spent about half an hour in the shower. I don’t know what he was doing in there, perhaps contemplating the complex nature of coffee plungers, but it felt like a century. I got dressed, cleaned up a bit, and waited. And waited. And waited. I snooped around his bookshelf a bit, but then got bored. I was also completely freezing. The weather had changed and I had only brought some 3 quarter pants with me to change into, with a Chinese style short sleeved top and a light coat. He eventually emerged from the shower, and offered to lend me some of his socks to go with my ankle boots, seeing how freezing I was. I accepted. He got dressed in front of me, but as soon he was dry and fully clothed I felt an immediate distance coming from him. I tried to get one last kiss in before we left. I held onto his jacket and pulled him towards me, but he turned it into a soft peck and then pulled away, with the comment “No more biting from you”, obviously referring to his love bite. And so we left for campus.

On the drive I started trying to ask him pointed questions so that I knew how to behave around him. I asked him how he felt about Public Displays of Affection, and he said he didn’t really mind them if they are with a girlfriend, but otherwise he tends to avoid them. I spoke a little bit about Ron, I can’t really remember how he came up in conversation, and then I offered to not speak about him if it made Scott feel uncomfortable? He said, “No, it’s fine, he is a part of your life, so talk about him.” And things kind of grew quiet. He offered to show me a famous monument I had never been to before; he usually parks there as it is quite near campus and parking on campus is virtually impossible.  We looked at it, and then started the remarkably long walk down to campus. Scott was walking very fast, and I was struggling to keep up, but trying not to show him how out of breath I was, afraid he would think of me as very unfit. We eventually got down to campus about 15 to 20 mins later, and he gave me a very brief tour before dashing off to his class. This campus is much bigger than my own, and I felt a bit overwhelmed. So I found the nearest coffee shop, got some more coffee to try wake myself up some more, and found a newspaper to read. As I waited for about an hour I got increasingly more tired, my lack of sleep catching up with me. Eventually Scott re-appeared and took me to a separate part of campus where there was a different coffee shop and a café selling food.  We ran into someone he knew, and he introduced me as his friend, and then we sat there with her for a bit. They were chatting mainly about things and people I didn’t know much about, such as when assignments were due, what mutual friends were up to and the like. I tried to be friendly, but wasn’t really involved in the conversation, and was becoming increasingly more grumpy and tired as the day wore on.  She left, and so Scott and I wondered around for a bit, coming across a Samsung expo. To my surprise Scott was extremely rude to the salespeople there as he complained about how big their latest cellphones were, and declining their offer of free t shirts and mugs. I happen to like free stuff, but I didn’t dare take any for fear of judgment from Scott who seemed to be becoming increasingly weirder.

Scott wandered off to his meeting, and I was left to read my fantasy novel. I was extremely hungry by this point, and even though I knew Scott wanted to take me out for lunch, it was approaching 2pm, and so I bought some food from the café anyway. I would just pretend I hadn’t eaten. I actually considered putting my head down at this random table in this building and sleeping, but I was afraid of being robbed, and so decided against it. Reading just made me sleepier, and so I had even more coffee to try wake myself up, but it just seemed to be making me jittery. I bought some bubblegum in case Scott decided to kiss me, but I need not have worried. By the time Scott got back to me at around 2:30pm, it was pouring with rain outside. We had to trudge back up the hill getting absolutely soaked, some of the way through ankle deep mud and splashing all over my bare legs. By the time we got to his car I was literally shivering all over, my wet hair sticking to my face. As we had gone up the path way I made a joke about being unfit, because I was trying again not to show him how out of breath I was, but was failing horribly. He made a snide comment about how being healthy means being fit. I responded sarcastically with, “Thank you, Captain Health Conscious!” and a salute. We barely spoke in the car, I was beginning to feel hurt by his distance, and this coupled with my irritability and exhaustion did not make me feel like talking. We parked, and had to run in the rain to the restaurant a few blocks away. Because I was tired of not knowing where I was standing with him, I decided this was a great time to bring up sex.

I asked if he often had one night stands, to which he responded, “No, not often,” and then I ventured, “Well, me neither. I really dislike sleeping with someone and then never speaking to them again, it just seems ridiculous.” To this he responded, “Oh, well I will keep that in mind.” I didn’t know how to take that. Had he been intending to stop speaking to me? Had the day been that bad? Were we no longer friends? Had a one-night-stand all he had been after? So I asked, “Well is it something you would want to do again?” He nearly tripped and fell over when I asked this. Maybe due to not being used to directness, or out of sheer horror at the thought, who can tell? “Do IT again?” – I don’t know why he emphasized IT so hectically, but he did. “You mean, have a relationship?” he asked. Apparently to Scott having sex with one person more than once is a relationship. So I replied, “No, I just meant, you know, randomly hookup.” So he responded, “Well it certainly wasn’t unpleasant, don’t think that. I don’t know, I just like to take things as they come.” We had arrived at the restaurant by now, and were seated. I did not feel as though our conversation was over, as there was more I wanted to discuss. So I asked him if he had had much sex this year, and he looked a bit sheepish and replied, “No, none at all this year actually. I’ve been very busy.” So I thought maybe if he knew that Ron and don’t have sex very much that it might make him feel more comfortable (I blame my exhaustion for my idiocy at bringing up my sex life with Ron at this point in time), and he just stared at me open mouthed and gestured to the people around us, as if he could not believe I was talking about sex in restaurant. Now I hadn’t actually mentioned sex at all, I had been using euphemisms, and the actual sentence had been, “I’m not judging, Ron and I actually have a very strange relationship, we don’t really” (insert hand gesture here) “very often.” So I said, “What? I haven’t said anything, I am using euphemisms,” and he gave me quite a mocking disbelieving look and said, “That’s like saying, “When was the last time you had a Oogie Boogie Burger?”” (We were at a restaurant with really strange burger names, and he was referring to one on the menu, I can’t remember what it was, so Oogie Boogie Burger it is.). I don’t know if it was the way he said it, so judgmentally, or what he said or both, but I was incredibly embarrassed. I flushed bright red, and stared down at my drink and went totally silent. Basically, he had been embarrassed to be there with me, talking about this. And that really hurt. He tried to mumble something about how he had been joking, but then halfway said, “Never mind.”

We sat in awkward silence for a while, and then spoke a bit about potential career hopes, and he told me I should get my food take away because they wrap it up in a foil swan. When I did, and it came in a box he was sad, and went on a lament about the lack of a foil swan. We were basically just speaking to each other because we had to, we needed to kill time til 5,30pm when we would leave to meet my brother. FINALLY, it was time to go, and we left. He parked outside the boomgate leading towards my brother’s building, and I just sat there for a bit. I didn’t know what to say to him, and I didn’t know how this day had all gone so wrong. I apologized at that point for being so tired. He said he had been wondering if he needed to make amends for something, and I mentioned my embarrassment at the restaurant, how I didn’t think I had been talking that loudly, and didn’t understand why it was a big deal. He said he was sorry if he offended me. I explained that I was just feeling irritable and sensitive thanks to the exhaustion. He commented, “Oh okay, that’s a lot of separate things.”  I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Then he asked, “Why are you so exhausted?” And I mentioned that I didn’t sleep well. He suddenly looked quite offended and said, “Oh, was it because you were sleeping next to a strange man?” As that had not been the case at all, I really really didn’t want him to think that, and I said no, my brain just wouldn’t switch off, but I don’t know if he believed me. Not knowing what else to say, I hugged him goodbye, he said he would text me, and I opened his door, accidentally scraping the bottom edge lightly against the sidewalk as the door flew out of my hand as we were parked on an incline. I grabbed it, and quickly pulled it off, and he tensely said, “try not to let go of it.” I nodded, and slammed the door, managing to close it even as it tried to knock me over. I ran through the rain away from his car feeling utterly sad.


I sent him a message shortly after he dropped me thanking him for everything, and he responded, “I hope a stranger will show me around their town someday.” So we were strangers then I guess. I didn’t hear from Scott again that evening, nor the next morning. I sent him am message stating that I was staying with a friend that Saturday evening, and that it was nearby to him, and I could be dropped off at his place Sunday morning if he was keen. No reply. I sent him a message mentioning I was leaving on Tuesday. No reply. Much later in the evening, emboldened by alcohol, I sent him a message which said, “Should I take your lack of responses as a sign that I should just write this thing off?” He replied with, “Sorry hang on.” Then nothing.

On Monday afternoon, after still nothing (not sure what I was s’posed to be hanging on for) I bit the bullet and messaged him again, feeling incredibly sad, as this was someone who, before this incident, I had talked to everyday by text, and considered a friend. I said, “I just thought you should know that I am incredibly hurt by your ignoring of me and lack of responses because I kind of thought we were still going to be friends. I guess I won’t be seeing you again. Enjoy graduation.” He responded with, “I’m sorry. Thursday and Friday were incredibly busy and I have needed time alone since then.” It felt like a pretty lame excuse seeing as how I was only in town for a few days, but I responded with, “You could have just told me that. It would have made me feel a lot less crap.” No reply.

A few days later, not able to shake my feelings of insecurity this experience had brought on, I messaged him again looking for more answers. I asked if he had been upset with me. I mentioned I had a great time with him Thursday evening, and that I was sorry the day had gotten weird. He said that human interaction exhausts him, that he had been with me, and then been to a function, and that it had totally drained him. And that seemed to be all he was willing to say. I asked if it was possible if we would go back to not being weird, and he said sure, and we chatted a bit, about superficial trivial things. He has barely messaged me since then, and so, unfortunately, things HAVE been weird. When I touched down in my next city, I let him know I had arrived and that I was sorry I hadn’t been able to see more of him while I was in Place by the Sea. He responded with, “Don’t worry about it 🙂 We have forever to hangout again.” Indeed. A very convenient thing to say when I have just flown 18 hours away.

Typing this all up has made me realize how sad this whole thing made me, and also reminded me that I need to learn when it is no longer worth the effort, when to stop texting people, and also to be careful of letting my emotions get involved. I miss talking to Scott, and I still have no idea what really caused him to decide not to see me again while I was there. I have no idea if we will ever meet up again in person. Even if I do move to Place by the Sea, I somehow doubt it.

Next time: Chapter 2: The Almost Threesome from Hell


Lady Taylor

Love this, I can relate.

Epicurus and Lilith

I keep trying to explain to Epicurus that his long arduous method of breaking up is unnecessary.  Someone’s feelings always get hurt and while drawing out the process, exciting opportunities with new sexual conquests are falling by the wayside. Out with the old in with the new! There is never going to be a great time for his girlfriend to hear that she no longer makes the cut.  She will recover, and the sooner he lets her go, the sooner she can remedy her broken ego. I should know because while Epi is perfecting the breakup, I’m perfecting recovering from the break-up.  I’m getting pretty good at it too.  In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I got dumped twice in one day.

The first breakup happened via telephone. This dumping came as quite a surprise since I didn’t realize that I was in a relationship with this guy, whom…

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“I’ll have a large order of drama to go with a side order of sex, please” part 2


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Please note that this is a continuation of the previous post, the story follows on directly.

Chapter 1:The Shy Boy, part 2


Scott got into bed next to me, and lo and behold, on to the bed jumps his dog. This canine really did not want Scott to be giving another woman so much attention. Jealousy issues. He moaned at her, and asked her to get off the bed, rather politely I might add. She just stared at him, and glared at me. Realising he was not going to win this one, he shrugged and began to kiss me. I can’t say I had ever had sex with an angry dog on the bed before, but oh well, there is a first time for everything. Horniness levels approaching a peak, the dog on the bed issue was filed away with the “oh God his parents are in the house right at this moment issue”, and I forgot about it quickly.

Scott. Is. An. Amazing. Kisser. He still smelt amazing, and as the kissing grew more passionate he got on top of me. I could feel his hard-on through his pajama pants pressing against me, and felt a surge of lust. I wanted to rip off his clothes, but, still unsure of his level of sexual experience (He’d told me he had had 7 sexual activity partners in his lifetime, I think that is about average for a 22 year old male? Not sure. Depends on the male. Males let me know in the comments section!) and preferences I decided to let him take the lead. Besides, I was in the mood to be controlled. I was a little worried that he wasn’t going to initiate sex and that despite his hard on he just wanted to make-out and cuddle seeing as how we had only met in person about 4 hours previously. Thankfully these fears were unfounded. He began to move between kissing my mouth and my neck and with his left hand he began to explore my right breast, and could feel my hardened nipple through my thin purple t-shirt. Without any prodding from me expect for maybe increasingly heavy breathing and more intense kissing from my side, he lifted up my t-shirt to caress my breast skin-on-skin. His bedside lamp was on at this stage, so we could see each other easily in the soft lighting, and the visual aspect of the whole thing turned me on further. I took off his t shirt and ran my fingers down his long, smooth back digging my nails in just enough for him to know how badly I wanted him but not enough to cause pain. He took my t shirt off, and we continued to kiss – now both topless. I nibbled on his neck, and then he moved down taking off my purple pajama pants, kissing my lower stomach area softly, and then sliding off my red panties.

Then I did something which I kind of wish I hadn’t, in hindsight, seeing as how I doubt we will be sleeping together again (you’ll understand why by the end of this chapter). I asked him to turn off the light. For some reason I was suddenly feeling insecure about my body, and my vagina. I have ALWAYS felt insecure about my vagina because my right inner labia is extremely over sized. Now I have seen a lot of vaginas in my life, some up close, some just on the internet or television but I have NEVER seen a vagina that looks like mine. Some women appear to have both labia very large, or both very small. Some even appear a little lopsided, but mine is extremely noticeable. It’s basically the first thing you see, this one giant oversized labia, and this other extremely small one. Some men, fumbling around down there, have even mistaken my right, big labia for my clitoris. Yeah. Fail. And it’s kind of awkward wanting to say, “Hey by the way dude, THAT’S NOT MY CLITORIS.” I have become a lot more vocal over the years during sex, giving instructions such as “yes, more of that” or “a bit more gently” as well as just getting more into dirty talk such as “yeah baby, d’you like fucking me” etc etc which in the light of day sounds ridiculous and embarrassing which is why it has taken me a long time to try and be comfortable, and actually enjoy being vocal during sex. But I have never said, “By the way, that’s not my clitoris.” Just, too awkward. The most I do is go really quiet if it’s not good, and get very vocal the better it is. I figure that’s generally an effective, yet subtle enough way of communicating how it’s going to the other person.

Also, I have no idea where to look while receiving oral sex! Surely this can’t be just me, surely other people must wonder this also? For me oral sex is FAR more personal than regular sex. It’s just so Goddamn intimate. And I don’t know if I want to make eye contact with someone who has their tongue in my pussy. Will it make them feel stared at? Will it make them feel uncomfortable? I don’t know! So, even though watching someone lick me is a huge turn-on, I usually lie back and close my eyes to try to ensure that I don’t make any eye-contact with them. Feeling awkward is a huge hindrance to achieving orgasm for me, so this was another reason I asked him to turn off the light.

He asked me, “Why?” when I asked him, and I replied “I dunno, it would just make me feel more comfortable” not wanting to go into any of the above ramblings, or admit to feeling insecure. Insecurity = not usually a turn-on. I realise thinking about it afterwards that I may have come off as a prude to him, wanting to have sex in the dark, which is pretty frustrating to me as I would like to think of myself as quite kinky. Scott obliged, and turned out the light.

He began kissing me up and down my inner thigh, all the way to my knees on both legs. Now I had been with someone else this year who also would do that and with both of them it just went on too long. I think that the intention behind it is to add to the foreplay, add to the anticipation, but seriously, I am wet enough already, one or two thigh kisses is fine, let’s get to it already! And then he went down on me. I am always nervous when people go down on me because fucking hell I could write a book about the terrible terrible oral sex I have received in my lifetime. Once it felt as though this guy I was with thought my vagina was a steak and his mouth was a meat-tenderiser. Owwwwww. But I was very pleasantly surprised. Scott goes down on my list of men who have actually made me come from going down on me – a depressingly short list. I had to give him no direction. NONE. He was like cunnilingus yoda. Found the right spot immediately, and played around in that area throughout. Long enough for the orgasm to be awesome, short enough for it not to get annoying. Scott gets ten points in the cunnilingus section.

I get extremely sensitive around my clitoris after an orgasm, so I like to try and pull people away as soon as the orgasm as subsided. I am pretty sure he knew I had come, body spasms and loud noises are a good sign, but he seemed to want to carry on. So I pulled him up towards me, and kissed him, enjoying tasting my own wetness on his mouth. I guess some people find that gross, but I really don’t. I pushed him onto his back and tried to take off his pants, but his tightly drawn pajama pants were making my life difficult, so he ended up having to help me. We both laughed at this though, thankfully. I kissed his neck, moving down to his nipples, down his stomach, and started going down on him. I generally like to start off using just my mouth, and then both my hand and my mouth to intensify the feeling. I did this here. After only about 2 or so minutes of me doing this he pulled me up to kiss me. He had been very silent and definitely hadn’t come, so I was afraid I was doing a really bad job of it. I asked him “Do you not want me to?” And he responded, “It’s just, it depends on if you want to do anything else.” He was trying to politely tell me he was going to come soon and if he did, would be unable to fuck me. Pleased that I was not doing a bad job, and still in the mood to be controlled, I asked “Well, what do you want to do?”He responded with, “I’d quite like to do you at this point in time”. The way he said it was remarkably charming, and I laughed out loud at how adorable and yet sexy he was at the same time.

So we made out a while longer, and then I asked him if he had any condoms. He went into the bathroom to get some and brought pack a whole pack of free ones (not that I’m judging. Generally, a condom is a condom, unless it has a flavour or a tingly lube). He put it on, got on top of me and entered me with ease. It was a little sore at first, but it almost always is at that sudden first thrust. I liked him being inside of me, although it didn’t feel as though I was going to come again. I, like most females, struggle to come from penetration alone. I have only come from pure penetration with 2 men, and I think it had a lot to do with the shape and angles of their penises, as opposed to anything they did themselves. But I had already had an orgasm, and I wanted him to come now, because making people come makes me feel damn good. I ran my fingers up and down his back, kissed and nibbled on his neck and ran my hands over his ass, feeling his muscles tighten and then release with each thrust.

One thing I found odd, though, is how silent he was. I have never had such silent sex before in my life. He seemed to be enjoying it, as he got faster and harder, but he made pretty much no noise aside from breathing. I am quite vocal, and I even wondered if I should try to be more quiet, seeing as how he was being so silent. At one point he stopped and asked, breathing heavily, “Tell me what to do. Tell me what’s good for you?” I said that what he was doing was good for me, and so he carried on. At around this point, the dog, who had been on the bed the whole time may I remind you, gets up and comes to lie next to my leg. Considering that we were moving around a lot, and I didn’t want to inadvertently kick the dog giving it the excuse it had been looking for all evening to bite off my face, I mentioned her current location to Scott. He tried talking to her again, but to no avail, so he got off of me and picked her up to move her off the bed. He got back on so that we could resume, and as we did she jumped back onto the bed, but stayed away from my leg this time, no doubt imagining how much she would love to eviscerate me. All in all I think that the sex itself lasted for around ten to fifteen minutes, but that is just a guess. He got really hard and fast, and it was sore, but a good sore. Near the end it started getting a bit too sore, but then he came and it was over. Even when he came he was quiet, barely a murmur escaped from his lips. We lay there for a few moments, sweaty and holding each other, catching our breath and then he got off of me and went to the bathroom to take off the condom and do… whatever men do in bathrooms after sex? After he came back, I went to the bathroom quite unsteady on my numb legs, then got back into bed. He drew me to him, and wrapped an arm around me. I fell asleep feeling the cool smoothness of his chest on my cheek, and listening to his heart beat.

To be continued…

“The Sex” was a bit longer than I thought, so Chapter 1 part 3 will feature The Morning After, and Oh God the Awkward.

Also lookout for Chapter 2: The Almost Threesome From Hell. Coming soon.


Lady Taylor

“I’ll have a large order of drama to go with a side order of sex, please”


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Chapter 1: The Shy Boy


When my primary partner and I opened up our relationship and adopted a polyamorous lifestyle this year, we both joined an online dating site, OKCupid.

SIDENOTE: I’ll do a post about how and why we adopted this lifestyle at some point in the near future, but for now I am focussing on my most recent experiences.

Apart from the occasional “Nice boobs” and “How about some naked pics?” messages, I have actually met quite a few nice people through the site. One person in particular – let’s call him Scott – really caught my eye. His photos were appealing, but the conversation was remarkably stimulating, and as we began to converse with more frequency I gave him my Facebook address and then my cell phone number. Now this is not something I do very often, I would rather not every person I meet online have access to a bazillion photos of me, my family, friends and – many many of my cats – and all my personal information. But I felt a true friendship growing with Scott, and so I felt comfortable doing so. In fact, I have been using OKCupid for about 4 months now, and Scott is the only person I have given my Facebook and cell number to, so there was obviously something special I was seeing in him.

Scott, 2 years younger than me, started calling me his “Magic Eight Ball” because I was so open to talking about very personal subjects, and would answer his questions, such as “So do girls watch a lot of porn?” and other things relating to the workings of the female mind and sexuality. I am guessing most of the females he knows aren’t as open and forward as I am in talking about such things.

One morning he spoke of how he was feeling emotionally sensitive and fragile, as he had made out with and stayed over with a girl the night before (no sex, just cuddling: he made a point of telling me). He said he didn’t really have feelings for her, but that her friend had suggested he do it as it was her birthday, and now he wasn’t sure what was going to happen, as she is someone that he sees a lot through University. He also referred to his heart as being “made of chocolate”, referring to his sensitive nature. I realised as we had this conversation that I felt a twinge of jealousy towards this girl he had hooked up with, and realised how attracted I was to his online persona.

So I decided I wanted to travel to his city (about a 13 hour bus trip away) to meet him. (Let’s call this city: Place by the Sea). Due to studies and some personal issues my travel plans kept having to be pushed back. At one point I told him “It’s strange to be attracted to someone so much when you haven’t actually met them” to which he responded “I don’t know why you are, I think I must come accross as a sad and lonely boy.” This was the only time I spoke of being attracted to him, afraid of scaring him off. He lamented that he was only attracted to the most physically appealing girls, the “real stunners” as he put them, and that they all always have boyfriends.

Due to a whole huge heap of drama in the town where I live (there will most certainly be a post about this, The Great Fallout of September 2012, at a later stage), let’s call it Horribly Incestuous Town, and my own exhaustion from working on my half-thesis, I decided I needed to get the hell out of dodge, and decided this would be a perfect excuse to go and stay with my brother in Place by the Sea, unwind a bit, and most awesomely, meet Scott in person.

Scott seemed excited at the prospect of my arrival, offering to show me around his University and take me out to show me a few hangout spots. As I am finishing my degree at the end of this year, I have been considering moving to Place by the Sea, so he specifically offered to take me to some hangouts in the area I would be hoping to move to.

I arrived in Place by the Sea last week Wednesday evening, exhausted from a 13 hour trip, and not keen to do anything, so Scott and I agreed that we would hang out the next day. Unfortunately my brother lives on the opposite side of town, about a 40 minute drive from Scott. Neither of them were willing to make the drive, and since I don’t have a car or even a license for that matter (I know, I fail), we agreed to meet at a halfway point, where I was dropped off and Scott picked me up. I was actually a bit offended that Scott was unwilling to make the drive. I know that it’s a long way, but I mean, come on, I came 13 hours on a bus to meet him, put in a little effort here.


I had debated about what to wear for this meeting. I was hoping to look sexy, but not too “eager” so I opted for a tight fitting dress, but no cleavage, and a belt to give me an hour glass figure. It’s always difficult to know if someone will look like their photos, so I was hoping I would still find him attractive in real life. But I had no idea what would happen, as we had not talked about it really. We flirted all the time, but flirting and fucking are two very different things. I found a bookstore to wait in, lucky enough to find the fantasy novel I am currently reading on the shelf, and found somewhere to sit and read my book while I waited. I chose the book shop because I was hoping it would make me look 1. Smart and intellectual, and 2. Nonchalant: “Hey, look how un nervous I am about this meeting, I can just sit here relaxed and read a book”. It also meant he could see me first, and come over to me without me having to see him, which would avoid the awkward making eye contact and then walking towards eachother vibe, unsure of how long to maintain eye contact etc etc. So, yes, I put a lot of thought into the whole thing. I obviously wanted him to find me attractive.

I was extremely nervous sitting there actually, I could barely focus on my book, and I felt my legs going numb (this happens to me a lot for 2 reasons: Nerves and anxiety, and really good orgasms). Alas this numbness was due to the former. Anyway, the moment finally arrived and he wandered over to me and we finally met in person. I realised that my fears of him not being as attractive in person was totally unfounded as I discovered that he is actually unbelievably cute. I have always found the shy, smart type very attractive, you know the one, the shy smile, cute glasses. Well he certainly fit that archetype. Amazingly, it wasn’t at all awkward meeting, and as we went to his car and drove off to find a bar, we fell into conversation very easily.

I’m gonna skip ahead most of the evening out, because the juicy bits are what happened when we got to his place, but this is the basic summary: Lady Taylor went into Extreme Flirt Mode which involves the following: Lots of eye contact, lots of laughing, a little bit of casual bodily contact here and there which could be brushed off as accidental but could also be seen as purposeful, and an attempt to come across as both intelligent and funny. Those are the two attributes I find most attractive in others, so I try to come across that way myself. My look has often been described as a kind of sexy school teacher or librarian, and so I try to make the most of it. After the bar, he took me to a club where everyone wore lots of black and scowled a lot, and yet they were playing Katy Perry music, so the vibe was a bit confusing. I wasn’t sure yet if he was into me, so I decided to bite the bullet and do the unthinkable to most people: I just asked him. I know I am forward, I’m told I am all the time, and I know many people find that intimidating, but I would like to think that it means I am usually more likely to get what I want if people know what it is I want from them. So I said, “Are you attracted to me?”. He looked a bit stunned, and then smiled and said “Yes. Are you attracted to me?”. I nodded and said “Yes, very” and then before it could get awkward I went for it and kissed him. He had obviously shaved right before coming to meet me, his skin was smooth and he smelt amazing. I am extremely turned on by smell, and I instantly knew I wanted to fuck him. I had actually started to develop real feelings for the boy though, so that was also strongly influential. Not taking him for the sex in the bathroom type, I decided to restrain myself. We made out on and off in the corner, intermittently standing in long lines for drinks and chatting. After about an hour I decided it was time to leave and see what would happen…


Did I mention Scott still lives with his parents? Ahem. Yes. Yes he does. He has a section of the house to himself thankfully, but it attaches to an open plan kitchen they all share, so I started off whispering when we came in. He told me I didn’t need to, and I tried not to let the fact that his parents were so nearby bother me. To be honest, I was so horny at this point in time I didn’t really care. Scott has a small scruffy looking dog which hated me on site, clearly smelling my female pheremones, and my lust for her owner. I love animals, but I avoided her, not wanting to lose any digits. He went off somewhere in the rest of the house, so I took the opportunity to brush my teeth and change into my pajamas – yes, I had brought these in case I needed to stay over at his place because it was too far to drive me home, or for any other, more fun reasons 😛

He came back, and went into the bathroom to do the same, and when he emerged he said, “You can sleep in the spare room if you like, or if you want you can sleep here with me.”
I have no idea if he was really oblivious or trying to be gentlemanly and show me nothing was expected of me, but I just laughed and got into his bed…

To be continued…

In Chapter 1 part 2: The Sex, The Morning After and Oh God the Awkward.


Lady Taylor

Lady Taylor’s Top 5 Favourite Porn Stars


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Am currently working on a very long post about my escapades this last week as I traveled, I decided to post this in the meantime 🙂


Something about her innocent, youthful, cute look is very appealing. She also does a lot of ganbangs. Did I mention I am turned on immensely by gangbang porn?


REDHEADS!! I have a weak spot for freckles.


One of the first porn stars I watched, have followed her work ever since. She also has a serious “cuteness” factor, being short and petite.


Recently discovered her, she is just awesome. On every level.


SASHA! Very kinky, experimental, and just so beautiful.


A post about this last week to follow shortly!


Lady Taylor

Why, hello there…



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My name is Lady Taylor Lynx

(well, not really, but it is here.)

I have always been told that I “overshare” because I have always been so honest and open about my life, including my emotions, and most horrifyingly – it seems to many – my sexual experiences. Growing tired of others attempting to force me to filter myself, I turn to you, internet, and I intend to tell you every last detail.

Growing up I always felt that I had more of a stereotypical male attitude towards sex: females are constantly pressed to hide their sexualities, but for men it is generally considered okay to talk about and flaunt theirs. Not in all cases, but definitely in many. Many females deny watching porn, being turned on by it, or masturbating. I do all those, A LOT, and have from a very young age. I discovered I was turned on visually when I discovered my highly conservative father’s (LOL) porn collection when I was in primary school, it was around age 10. I have no idea if watching hardcore porn at this age repeatedly and for many years had anything to do with the fact that I seem to have such a high sex drive for a female, and am very sexually focussed (but because so few females admit to this, I may not be such an anomaly). I used to sit in the playground next door to our house and masturbate in public, excited and horrified by the idea of getting caught. Having been brought up in a highly Christian household, at first I thought that masturbating was wrong and felt a lot of guilt over it. But as I grew older, and began to discover my own ideas about spirituality (a kind of unsure agnosticism), this guilt thankfully subsided.

Today, I am openly bisexual and polyamorous – I will write detailed posts at a later stage about the history of both these lifestyles for me – and consider myself a sexually liberated woman.


Lady Taylor

UPDATE: Follow me on twitter @LadyTaylorLynx

Also, if you have any questions, requests, etc etc, you can contact me on LadyTaylorLynx@gmail.com