Why, hello there…

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My name is Lady Taylor Lynx

(well, not really, but it is here.)

I have always been told that I “overshare” because I have always been so honest and open about my life, including my emotions, and most horrifyingly – it seems to many – my sexual experiences. Growing tired of others attempting to force me to filter myself, I turn to you, internet, and I intend to tell you every last detail.

Growing up I always felt that I had more of a stereotypical male attitude towards sex: females are constantly pressed to hide their sexualities, but for men it is generally considered okay to talk about and flaunt theirs. Not in all cases, but definitely in many. Many females deny watching porn, being turned on by it, or masturbating. I do all those, A LOT, and have from a very young age. I discovered I was turned on visually when I discovered my highly conservative father’s (LOL) porn collection when I was in primary school, it was around age 10. I have no idea if watching hardcore porn at this age repeatedly and for many years had anything to do with the fact that I seem to have such a high sex drive for a female, and am very sexually focussed (but because so few females admit to this, I may not be such an anomaly). I used to sit in the playground next door to our house and masturbate in public, excited and horrified by the idea of getting caught. Having been brought up in a highly Christian household, at first I thought that masturbating was wrong and felt a lot of guilt over it. But as I grew older, and began to discover my own ideas about spirituality (a kind of unsure agnosticism), this guilt thankfully subsided.

Today, I am openly bisexual and polyamorous – I will write detailed posts at a later stage about the history of both these lifestyles for me – and consider myself a sexually liberated woman.

Growl,

Lady Taylor

UPDATE: Follow me on twitter @LadyTaylorLynx

Also, if you have any questions, requests, etc etc, you can contact me on LadyTaylorLynx@gmail.com

Heartbreak

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Sam and I are over. Sam is one of those people who says all the right things about poly, but in practice is kind of bad at it. I will go into detail about that later at some point, but if I do right now I will just cry, and I can’t cry anymore. We broke up at the end of April and I still feel like I have been punched in the stomach when I think about him and how much I miss him. The problem is that he never really cared for me as deeply as I did for him.

I have quit my awful soul destroying office job and am working on my starting my own theatre company now. I am about to put an original work on at a national festival, so that is what I am doing all day, rehearsing. It means I am not earning anything though, so not sure where rent will come from for July. But at least I am creating theatre, and feel like I am actually doing something with my life.

 

It also helps me to not think about how heartbroken I am.

 

Growl,

Lady Taylor

 

XXX

A current day in the life of Lady Taylor. Or, “Help I’m having an emotion!!!!”

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I want to tell you about the actual sex with Carl, the Sex Connoisseur. And about how hard it was leaving him.

I also want to tell you about Sam. About how wonderful he is. About the time he tied me up and used his magic wand on me.

Yeah, you keep pretending THAT’S what you use the Magic Wand for.

About the time we nearly got arrested for fucking in a parking lot. About the awesome threesome we had with an old friend of mine I have been wanting to fuck for years. About how on Saturday night he made me finger myself til I came, next to him in his car while on a busy highway. About how he has the nicest cum I’ve ever tasted, which he attributes to being vegan. About how we tried anal yesterday, and it was the first time for me. And it was awesome. About how he reached out and held my hand throughout the entire 2 and a half hours of Django Unchained. About how he strokes my hair back and whispers, “Hey Gorgeous.”

And I will. But right now I can’t.

You see, I actually miss Carl. A good friend, a great lover, and someone I have feelings for.

And I have – somehow in the space of only one month – fallen in love with Sam. Now I have always had a soft tell-tale heart that I wear on my sleeve. I have always grown attached to people fast. But God, this was a whole new experience for me. I don’t just want to fuck Sam all the time (although I do want to fuck him. A LOT!).  I want to spend all my time with him. And it’s terrifying. Not only because of the intensity of the feelings. But because he is fucking leaving town! Sam is about to start a post-doc at a University in City of Many Lights, over a 1000km away from me. I always knew this. I knew this before we even met in person. But I had no idea how quickly we would fall for each other.

I said goodbye to him yesterday. His flight leaves tomorrow. We are going to do the long-distance thing. He called me his girlfriend in passing for the first time on Friday night, which meant a lot to me, and he has promised to visit as often as he can. But seeing as how neither our arms nor genitalia stretch that far, it will be weeks, maybe months before I get to hold him again, have sneaky exciting sex with him again, make love to him again, have him hold my hand in a movie again. And my heart hurts.

Ron has gotten an office 8:30 to 5 job. Which is great because it means we can move out soon. But it means that he left for work this morning, and I’ll be alone for the rest of the day. And so currently, my days look as follows:

5am to 7am: Get woken up to be loved by either a small child or a cat.

7am: Try to go back to sleep. Think about Sam. Decide to message Sam.

7:01am: Realise it is 7 fucking AM and Sam will be asleep.

7:30am: Give up on trying to sleep, decide I have to work and be productive.

7:31am: Go on Facebook/Wordpress/OKcupid instead.

9am: Realise it is time to get the hell off Facebook/Wordpress/OKcupid.

9:10am – 12pm: Look for jobs to apply for. Realise that 95 percent of them demand at least 3 to 5 years experience, and the other 5 percent are unpaid internships.

12pm – 12:30pm: Mope about being unemployed. Find someone nearby to complain to. Message Sam. Decide it is time to cook healthy food.

12:30pm – 2pm: Go back onto Facebook instead.

2pm: Decide to go out for lunch.

2:01pm: Realise I have no money. Consider messaging Sam again. Reject the idea, as don’t want to come off as needy and crazy.

2:02pm: Decide I am too lazy to make food. Eat chips I had hidden in the room instead.

2:05pm: Sing along to the Les Mis soundtrack. Cry.

2:10pm: Decide I want to hang out with people. Realise all my friends have jobs and/or are busy.

2:11pm: Decide to work on my playscript/blog.

2:15pm: Realise I am too depressed to write comedy and/or erotica.

2:16pm: Have an amazing idea to write a tragedy about an unemployed theatre-maker/erotic blog writer.

2:20pm: Realise no one wants to watch that, scrap that idea. Go to have short nap. Dream about Sam.

6pm: Wake up ridiculously horny. Have slept all afternoon and done nothing productive. Decide to make healthy supper. Harass Ron, who is exhausted from work, to spend time with me.

6:30pm: Get distracted by porn (only if there are no small children around. Otherwise I just have to deal with the horniness) and Facebook. Eat grapes for supper instead.

7pm – 11pm: Play Civilisation 5/Monopoly Tycoon. Make self feel better by saying they are stimulating strategy games, and clearly good for my brain.

11:05pm: Feel exhausted, go to bed.

11:05pm – 1am: Lie awake panicking about life. Tells brain to go to sleep. Brain says, “Haha no!”

2am: Finally fall asleep.

3:30am: Woken by a legion of mosquitoes.

3:40am: Have what appear to be excellent creative ideas, reminds self to write them down when I wake up.

3:50am: Fall asleep, and forget them.

Repeat.

Today I deviated slightly from the routine to watch my tiniest cat chase and eat bugs for twenty minutes. Riveting. Anything to take my mind off of Sam and how much I miss him already. It’s been a whole one day.

Growl,

Lady Taylor

“I’ll have a large order of drama to go with a side order of sex, please” part 6

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At last, the final installment.

The Almost Threesome from Hell, Part 3.

This post follows on from Part 5 of the “I’ll have a large order…” series. The story continues directly.

THE (ALMOST) SEX

We got back, bag of weed in Kelly’s handbag. I went to sit on the couch. CCG came to sit behind me and started to rub my breasts through my dress. I didn’t protest but I didn’t co operate either. I just sort of sat there stiffly. I was tipsy, but nowhere near drunk enough for this. Kelly began to roll a joint. I thought that might help, so I said to CCG, “Just wait, I want to have some weed first.” Kelly said, “Yeah, slow down baby, Taylor likes it slow with lots of foreplay.” Not always actually, but I said nothing to contradict her. Anything that might keep him away from me for longer. I started feeling annoyed with myself. Why had I allowed myself to get into this situation, why hadn’t I spoken up earlier? Was sex with Kelly really worth this? Well it was too late now.

Kelly rolled a very large joint, badly. So badly that I started getting pieces of weed in my mouth. Apparently that one caramel vodka shot and the few sips of cider had made her drunk. I had forgotten how easily Kelly got drunk. The weed wasn’t bad, but it didn’t really calm me down enough. CCG continued to rub my breasts through my dress as I smoked it. The joint was finished all too soon, and there were no more excuses I could think up. It was time to try and do this. I realized I wasn’t at all wet, and that when we finally got naked, as was seemingly inevitable at this point, they would be sure to notice this. I tried to focus on Kelly. I moved away from CCG and leaned forward on the couch so that I could kiss her as she sat on the floor. I lifted my hands to rub her beautifully shaped breasts through her dress, while CCG moved towards me and started rubbing my ass, and trying to lift up my dress to pull my stockings down. I got down onto the floor next to Kelly, to avoid him. How he did not get any of these hints is beyond me. Maybe he did get them, and was too horny to care.

An idea suddenly came to me. Earlier in the day we had been chatting about porn stars that we liked, and had all three agreed how much we liked Andy San Dimas:

Andy

Oh yes, I love me some Andy.

I asked CCG if he had any Andy porn nearby we could watch. He said he did. I made out with Kelly some more as he found some. I reached underneath her knit top to pull it off over her head, and she took off her bra. I turned my head down intending to kiss her nipples, and realized she had had them both pierced since I had last seen her. I had never been with anyone with pierced nipples before. I reached my head down to her breasts and traced my tongue over her left nipple, tasting warm flesh and cold metal. She quivered slightly and arched her neck backwards. I ran my fingers through her hair, gripped it tightly and pressed my entire mouth down onto her nipple, suckling her, tracing my tongue back and forth repeatedly, with increasing force. She began to moan, and I felt myself starting to get wet. At last. CCG started the Andy video, and took off his shirt. He started to take off his belt, as Kelly reached out and undid mine. I looked at the large TV screen. Andy was having a pre-sex conversation with some young looking guy with a baseball cap on. Kelly stood up, wobbly on her feet and lifted me to mine. She reached down and pulled my dress off over my head. As she reached around my back to undo my bra I looked at CCG. He was totally naked now, and was stroking his hard-on. He was fairly pale all over his body, and uncircumcised.  Kelly pushed me onto the couch, and I lifted my legs so that she could pull off my stockings. Andy was still talking. I wished they would get to the sex already, so that I had something to look at. CCG came to sit down next to me, and started to touch my nipples. I have very sensitive nipples, and so at first this actually felt good, but then he started to squeeze and pull on them, and I said, “Oww.” As Kelly slipped off her panties she said, “Baby, Taylor likes it gentle.” Now this, such as, “Taylor likes lots of foreplay and to take it slowly” is also not entirely true. Sometimes I like to be held down, to be spanked, to be tied up, to be fucked or licked vigorously, intensely. But I decided in this case, “gentle” was an okay word to go with, seeing as how CCG and Kelly seemed to be into a fair amount of pain, if the piercings, the random whip, and the Dominatrix outfits lying around in the lounge were anything to go by. He left my nipples alone and moved his hand down underneath my panties to put a finger inside me. It hurt a little, as I was still not that wet. He removed his hand and sucked his finger, saying “Oh my God you taste good.” Usually this sort of thing would turn me on immensely. In this case, it didn’t. I said nothing and looked at the TV again. Andy was sucking young guy’s cock. Finally, someone was getting some action, and enjoying it. I realized I was quite stoned, because everything seemed to be moving a lot slower than usual. Kelly reached forward and pulled my panties off. All three of us were now naked.

I stared at Kelly’s body. She was still as beautiful naked as I remembered. She was sitting with her legs apart, and I realized that she now also had a clit piercing. I shuddered slightly at the thought. I wanted to reach out and touch her, to feel her clit, and slip my fingers inside of her. But I realized CCG was saying something. “What?” I said. “I said, do you want to watch me fuck Kelly or do you want to taste me”, he said, gesturing to his cock. Instead of saying “Are those really my only two options”, I said, “I want to watch you fuck her.” He said, “Okay, but I want to taste you first.” “Didn’t your dentist say you can’t go down on anyone for a few weeks?” I said, but he responded, “I don’t care.” He got down on his knees and pretty much plunged his face into my cunt. Regardless of how unattractive I found him, I think that if the sexiest man/woman on earth tried to go down on me like that, I would be equally unimpressed. I lasted about 6 seconds and then said “Owww, sorry, but that is really sore.” Kelly smacked CCG on the arm, “Baby I TOLD you, Taylor doesn’t like it rough.” He pulled a face and said, “Fine,” moving behind Kelly and pushing her down onto all fours. She crawled towards me like that so that her face was positioned between my legs. CCG raised her hips to him and thrust into her. She crinkled her face up slightly at the penetration, and then raised her right hand to play with my clit. She licked her thumb and then began rubbing her thumb up and down on it. On the TV Andy was being fucked on a couch, her one leg almost raised behind her head. I tried to focus on Kelly touching me, and on Andy being fucked. I began to relax, and as Kelly raised her tongue to my clit, I moaned slightly and began to touch my nipples. Just as this was starting to really feel good, Kelly’s eyes began to droop and she dropped her hips down to the floor, causing CCG’s cock to slide out of her, and she rested her cheek against my inner thigh. She looked tired, and peaceful. I stroked her hair, feeling some kind of intense, indefinable emotion for her.  “Kelly,” CCG said. She didn’t respond. “Kelly! Come on, Kelly!” But she had passed out, there was no point. He cursed and stood up. “Sorry Taylor,” he said, “we’ll have to continue this another time. I mean, you didn’t even get to taste her.” It was true, I hadn’t. I said nothing, and feigned sleepiness. He turned off Andy, who was in the process of sucking cock again, waiting to swallow the cum soon to be unleashed into her mouth. He reached down and lifted one of Kelly’s arms around his neck, and half carried half dragged her to the bed. I followed them through into the bedroom to make sure that she was okay. He put her into bed and she groggily asked for a bucket to be placed next to her. He went to get one, and I kissed her moist forehead, stroking her hair back behind her ear. She grabbed onto my arm and said, “Taylor, sleep with us.” And pulled me down into the bed next to her. I held her for a minute, and considered it, but then CCG came back, bucket in hand. He placed it next to her, and got into bed on next to me, so that I was in the middle. He said, “So you’ve come to join us, have you? Kelly pass me the condoms” Kelly was too passed out to respond, thankfully. I opened my mouth to protest but was cut off as he said, “Never mind, I’ll get them.” “Actually!” I nearly shouted. “Um, actually, I am feeling very tired.” I considered just trying to sleep there, but honestly I feared he might try to fuck me in my sleep. Nothing he had done up to this point had convinced me otherwise. I got up, mumbling, “Sorry, goodnight” and I closed the door behind me. I went over to the sex couch where I sat with my head in my hands for a moment. Then I got up, arranged the pillows, grabbed a folded up blanket from nearby, and turned out the light.

THE MORNING AFTER

I woke early. The sun streamed in through the white curtains into the lounge. I felt sick and hungover. My mouth was dry from the alcohol and the weed. I was hungry, but this wasn’t my house, and I didn’t feel comfortable raiding the fridge. I stumbled to the bathroom to pee, which was when I saw CCG’s entire upper denture in a glass on the basin. They creeped me out. I decided to at least look for something to drink, and I found a 2 litre Coke bottle in the fridge with about a fifth left inside it. I drank it. It was flat, but it helped a little. I heard movement in the bedroom, and I sprinted back to the couch, not wanting them to know that I was awake, not ready to deal with either of them yet. But no one appeared. I felt angry with myself. I should have been assertive. I should have said, Look, I don’t want to do anything sexual with you CCG, but please don’t take offense. I know that I was afraid of it being awkward if I did that, knowing I had to stay with them, and knowing that he was going to have to drive me home the next day. My own behavior confused me. I am usually so assertive, so forward. I made a decision then and there that, no matter how much I wanted to fuck someone, or no matter how much I cared about someone, I would not be willing to be sexually involved with their partner, if I was not attracted to them. I was going to learn from this.

I played on my phone for a while, quickly hiding it and pretending to be asleep when CCG did finally emerge. I cursed myself for not having put on clothes to sleep in, as I was still naked. He made a lot of noise in the kitchen, but I continued to feign sleep. Eventually the smell of coffee caused my caffeine addiction to kick in, and I pretended to “wake up”. I sat up, wrapping the blanket around my breasts, and stroking one of the dogs who had come to say hi, as CCG made me coffee, and making the following comment about my usage of the blanket, “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”

The morning that followed was mostly boring, coupled with many moments of awkward. One of these would be when one of their dogs licked the top of my breast that was showing out of the blanket, and CCG said, “Ooooh, I would love to be doing that.” This time not only did I say nothing, but I glared at him. Kelly made an appearance, looking exhausted and hungover.  CCG immediately suggested we continue on from the night before. I said, “Actually, I am feeling very hungover and ill, and I really need to eat.” Kelly looked almost relieved, as she was still also feeling very ill. “I’m okay to go home now, if you’re okay to take me.” CCG said, “No, why don’t go buy some bacon and eggs and cook us all some breakfast?” “I don’t eat eggs.” I said. There was an awkward silence. Kelly said, “Well why don’t we all go out for breakfast?” I said, “Okay, will you be able to take me home after?” CCG said, “Well let’s come back here after and see what happens.” I said nothing, but sighed loudly. Nothing was going to happen, I had already decided. But going out for breakfast sounded like a good hangover cure. We went to a nearby diner. We didn’t talk much, as Kelly and I nursed our hangovers and CCG nursed his sexual frustration.

When we got back I asked if I could use the computer, claiming I needed to send an important email. Actually I just wanted an excuse to distract myself with, away from CCG. I messed around on the internet and facebook and then saw I had now gotten a friend request from CCG. I couldn’t exactly not accept it without pissing him or Kelly off, so I accepted it. I should have waited though, because he immediately started sending me messages on fb, from the other room where he was on his phone. He sent me, “God you are sexy. Do you want to fool around?” I closed my fb so that maybe he would think I hadn’t seen them. I opened a Wikipedia page and looked up some serial killers I had heard about recently on the crime channel, so that it looked like I was doing something at the pc. I decided it was time to talk to Kelly and tell her I wanted to go home. I called out for her. Shortly after, CCG appeared. I said, “I was just looking for Kelly.”

“She’s sleeping.”

“Oh,” I said.  He came to look at my screen. “You’re looking up serial killers?”

“Yes.”

“That’s hot,” he said, and laughed. I said nothing.

He came to sit next to me and said, “You know we don’t need to wait for Kelly to wake up. I want to rip those pants right off of you, right now.”

I swallowed. I said, “The thing is, I am still very tired, and not feeling so great, so I don’t really feel like doing anything. Sorry.”

He stared at me for a while, as I stared at the floor.

“Maybe when she wakes up then,” he said. I said nothing.  He got up, and he left the room.

I hid in there for an hour until Kelly woke up. I went through to the lounge to sit next to her, and rest my head on her shoulder. I touched her leg and said, “Kelly, it’s been lovely seeing you, but I need to get back to my brother’s house.”  “Are you sure?” She said. I shrugged and said, “Yeah.” Kelly said to CCG, “Baby can we take Taylor home now?” He looked at me and said, “So you don’t want to do anything?”

“I really just want to get home,” I said.

And so he stomped around the house getting dressed. I leaned to Kelly’s ear and whispered, “Why is he getting ready so aggressively?”

Kelly shrugged and said, “Oh. He is just grumpy and pissed off because he didn’t get laid.”

“I see.”

They drove me home in silence, apart from CCG’s metal music blasting throughout the car. I reached from the backseat and slipped my hand passed the passenger seat and held Kelly’s hand the whole way there.

AFTERMATH

I did not see them again while I was in Place by the Sea for the next few days. Ron and I moved down to Place by the Sea in early December. CCG and Kelly got married 2 weeks later. We were 2 of the 4 people there who were Kelly’s friends. The rest were all CCG’s friends, increasing my thinking that she is becoming more and more isolated. She looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her. I got drunk at their wedding to cope.

On New Year’s Eve I sent Kelly a message asking if we could finally go out on some sort of date and talk about the possibility of restarting our relationship, which is what she had brought up when I had previously visited. She did not respond. A few days later I sent her a message asking her about. She responded that she was “thinking about it.” I was confused by this response, as she was the one who had brought it up originally. Every time I have tried to initiate plans with her alone, so that we can talk about the fact that I want a relationship with her, and only her, not CCG, she has avoided it, and wanted to invite him along, at which case I have then backed out. It’s now been over a month and I still haven’t seen her. If she is unwilling, or he is unwilling to let her, have a relationship with me without his involvement, then there will be no relationship. As fucked up as that makes me feel.

Growl,

Lady Taylor

I’ve been a very bad girl

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Or should I say blogger.

So Ron and I packed up all our stuff, our 3 cats and 2 rats, and spent all our savings on moving accross the country to Place by the Sea. Now, we don’t have any money to put a deposit down on a place yet. We don’t have jobs yet. Apparently a Masters in Theatre is not actually that sought after, and Ron only has an Hons so far.

I bring this up because our current living situation has influenced my lack of blogging. And also just a lack of general awesomeness. Ron’s eldest brother has a guest suite in his house. He also has a sullen, grumpy wife and two exceptionally energetic daughters aged 5 and 8. They are also impossibly naughty and think that I am the most awesome live-in playmate they have ever had. I have no choice in the matter. Our door doesn’t lock. We have no privacy. The 8-year old can READ (she does it all the time) and likes to sneak in to look over my shoulder and read what I am doing at the pc.

*Cue Taylor looking over her shoulder to check for small nosy humans*

So I just haven’t been able to. Honestly I have been pretty exhausted. The kids are exhausting. Looking for a job is exhausting. Being permanent guests in grumpy, tense people’s house is exhausting. Having sex marathons is exhausting (I was lucky enough to have one of those on Thursday with a new secondary partner I am significantly smitten with. Let’s call him Sam. Of the flexible tongue. I WILL do a post about the sex marathon. I HAVE to, the sex was too good not to share.)

Anyway, those are my excuses. Spank me if you must.

However, today I was notified that my blog is now being featured in the Erotica section on http://www.loveboudoir.com and it has inspired me to get back in the blogging saddle. Even if I have to stay up late til the small humans have gone to bed, it’s time to resume consistent posting. So, coming up this week will be Sex with a Sex Connoisseur Part 2, and The Almost Threesome From Hell Part 3, which will conclude both those stories.

And then next week a post about sex with Sam. *Cue Taylor going giddy and, let’s be honest, rather moist.*

Growl,

Lady Taylor

Sex with a Sex Connoisseur: Part 1

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Part 1

As the date of the “Sex Plan” (check out my last 2 blog posts for context) approached I began to feel increasingly nervous. Carl can be incredibly changeable, as I’ve mentioned, and there was a part of me that was scared that I would arrive there and he would say, “By the way Taylor, I’ve changed my mind. Would you like some tea? A game of chess?” I knew that if that happened the friendship would not be able to recover. I had dealt with rejection from him once, and being around him for 6 months while being so incredibly attracted to him knowing that I couldn’t have him was bad enough. If he were to reject me again, I knew this would be it.

I agonized over what to wear. I thought about lingerie. I bought this crotchless body suit, but quickly rejected it. It made me look like I was trying way too hard. I decided to go with a purple and black lace push up bra. I tried to find a pair of plain black panties to go with them, but they were all in the wash. I cursed myself for not having thought further ahead and made sure I had some clean ones. I looked through my entire underwear drawer, trying not to make a big deal about it because Ron was in the house. Ron knew I was going to Carl with the intended purpose of fucking him, and so I didn’t want to make a big deal about it. I realised 90% of the underwear I own is ridiculous. Old grey faded panties, panties with pretty birds on them. What the FUCK had I been thinking getting those? Thankfully I remembered that I have a lace black g-string which I hadn’t worn in a long time. G-strings aren’t usually my style, but I thought they went nicely with the bra. I wanted to wear a dress, so I elected to wear some patterned leggings to hide the g string, in case the wind decided to try and attack me at some point walking to his house.

After shaving, curling my hair, straightening my fringe and painting my toenails (light purple over the old dark purple which had been coming off, so they looked a bit shoddy but I had run out of time) I was ready to go. My heart started pounding before I had even left the door. I was terrified actually. Because Carl and I are such good friends. Because I have seen Carl’s bookshelf, and it is intimidating. Books about g-spots, erogenous zones, pleasure for the women etc etc. Once when we were drunk and making out he tied me to his bed, with ties he already has attached to his bed posts. It was quite a surprise, but I loved it. I wondered if they would be involved. That same night he showed me his “sex drawer”, filled with condoms, flavoured lubes, toys etc. All this, plus the 6 month wait of anticipation, combined with the last week of crazed jealousy over his (Now EX, thank fuck) Girlfriend and the lead up to the 25th made my headspin, my breath quicken and my heart race as I left my house.

Carl lives very near to my place, about a ten minute walk. We had chatted via text and agreed to meet at 2pm. He had suggested we go out for lunch, and I had agreed via text, but this was just to be amiable. I had no desire to go out for lunch. I was so nervous I could barely eat. I buzzed his flat, already getting sweaty from the sun, the walk and the nerves.

CARL: Hello?

For some unknown reason I decided this would be a great idea to try to be funny. I put on a weird voice.

TAYLOR: Hi, I’m um, selling lamps.

Silence.

CARL: Well, I’m expecting a friend to arrive, so, I’m sorry I can’t help you.

Silence. I went back to my normal voice.

TAYLOR: Oh, um, I see. That is a problem.

CARL: Oh Taylor, it’s you.

He laughed, then he buzzed me in.  I realised I was breathing way too fast and I tried to catch my breath. I opened the gate and walked up the few stairs to his flat. His lounge has these large glass windows and a glass door which looks out onto a little patio. The door was open, I walked in. He wasn’t in the lounge nor the adjoining kitchen. His music was playing loudly. I went into his study. There he was, sitting in his chair playing around on his pc. He stood up when he saw me and walked over to greet me. Carl is about half a metre taller than me, and I reached up to hug him.

CARL: I was so confused by the lamp thing, I didn’t even realise it was you.

TAYLOR: Haha, yeah, I was just messing around.

He led me into the kitchen and offered me some tea. I tried to control my breathing. I said yes to tea, and sat at the kitchen counter. I realised his counter was quite dirty, well, by Carl’s OCD standards it was, with dishes lying about and an unwiped counter. He saw me looking at them and said

CARL: Yeah, there is no water. Otherwise I would have cleaned up before you arrived.

TAYLOR: Oh, that’s alright, I don’t mind.

He put some Chai tea down in front of me. It was too milky.

CARL: After this, shall we go?

TAYLOR: Would it be alright if we hung out here for a while first?

CARL: Sure.

He picked up his tea and moved to his couch, gesturing for me to follow him. I put my tea down on the coffee table, and sat next to him on the couch. He put his arm around me, and I tried to relax my body into the crook of his arm. I was so tense, it was difficult. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my face into his neck. How long had it been since I had done this? Months. My tension combined with suddenly being so close to him that I could breathe in the smell of him made me dizzy.

CARL: God, your heart is beating fast.

TAYLOR: I know. I’ve been…very nervous. I’ve been feeling strange all week, you’ve probably noticed.

CARL: Yeah, I did. Are you alright?

TAYLOR: Yes. It’s just –

I suddenly had no grasp of the English language.

TAYLOR: It’s that I was really surprised you wanted to…you know, have sex. Because you said you weren’t attracted to me anymore. And that was a really hard thing to hear. And yet here we are now, so I guess, I am just wondering how you were able to turn the attraction back on.

CARL: Honestly, Taylor, I don’t know. It’s just something I realised I wanted to explore with you before you left.

TAYLOR: Okay. Well, I am happy you did. Are you hungry? If you are could we order in?

CARL: I’m not that hungry. But we could do that.

TAYLOR: I am tired of having to pretend that I am not attracted to you. And I know that Girlfriend just left, so I don’t want to be draping myself all over you in public. But I don’t think I can stop myself. So it’s probably safer if we stay here…

He laughed, his charming, deep chuckle. He smiled at me.

CARL: I was actually wondering if you would come to a dinner with me tonight, as my date. It’s (“Some Random Person I Barely Know”, let’s call her Bree) Bree’s farewell tonight, but I know I promised to spend the day with you.

TAYLOR: Won’t they find it strange that you suddenly have a new girl on your arm?

CARL: Well, I am not that into Public Displays of Affection anyway, and if anyone does ask, I will just tell them I am poly.

TAYLOR: Okay, then sure.

There was a pause. I was starting to relax a bit, and I was starting to tingle all over. I wasn’t sure how to broach the sex subject. Should I go into the bathroom and come out naked? In underwear? I wasn’t sure.

CARL: So if we do order in, what do you want to eat?

TAYLOR: You.

That seemed to do it. He laughed and kissed me. Carl has a very unique way of kissing, it was one of the first things I noticed about him. He starts off by holding his mouth away from yours for just a second longer than is usual, to increase the anticipation. I was about to find out, Carl LOVES to increase anticipation. Once he feels you’ve waited long enough he presses his mouth down hard on yours, breathing in through his nose to indicate his desire, his passion for you. He lightly nibbles on your lower lip, caressing your tongue with his.

As our kissing heated up I found myself getting wet at the prospect of what else he might be able to do with that skilled tongue of his. I had spoken to Carl a lot in the past about the kind of things I enjoyed sexually. One of the most notable conversations I recall was when we were chatting about how sexual fantasies are very seldom politically correct. In almost every aspect of my life I am assertive and in control. My very chosen field highlights this (Theatre director) need to control. But in bed I love to be dominated. I love to have someone hold me down, be a little rough with me, tell me they’re going to have their way with me (I don’t mean every time, and I don’t mean painfully.) It appears Carl remembered this conversation. He stood up, leaned down to kiss me further and pulled my legs towards him. I wrapped my legs around him, and he whispered

CARL: Put your arms around my neck, and hold on.

I did, and he picked me up. I laughed with delight. It’s been a long time since anyone literally carried me into their bedroom. I was a bit nervous though, as I am quite a curvy woman, and would definitely not consider myself to be light to pick up.  As he was carrying me, I said

TAYLOR: Shame, are you alright?

He threw me down onto his bed, and said

CARL: No no, it’s Carl, not “Shane.”

I smacked him on the shoulder.

TAYLOR: Very funny.

He got on top of me and I could feel his hard on pressing against me through his jeans. He rubbed it between my thighs and I moaned in anticipation. We kissed like that for a while, and then he stood up and swung my legs around so that I was no longer sideways on his bed, but face up with my head resting on his pillows. He undid my belt, and traced his fingers from my bare neck, down over the thin fabric of my dress, tracing the outline of my breasts, allowing his fingers to come to rest  gently between my legs. He reached under my dress and pulled off my tights.

He began to kiss my body. He kissed my inner thighs, and then began to nibble, lick and kiss all the way down each leg. When he began to lick behind my knees, in that sensitive area where I usually don’t like to be touched, I suddenly felt intense arousal. I had not realised before that when caressed in a certain way they could be an erogenous zone. When he got near to my feet I grew paranoid and prayed silently that they would not smell bad. If they did, he gave no indication as he kissed the tops of them gently. My g-string was soaked through at this point; I wanted to fuck him, I could take the anticipation no longer.

I sat up and reached for him, he kissed me quickly, and then pushed me back down onto the bed, holding my arms down and getting on top of me. He pushed my legs even wider open with his knees as he slowly, rhythmically ground his pelvis against mine. I began to tremble and moan with pleasure and excitement. When he sensed I my excitement mounting he let go of my arms only long enough to pull my dress over my head and deftly unhook and discard my bra. I was now clad only in my lacy black g-string. It was the middle of the day, there was no darkness to hide behind, no lights that I could reach to turn off. He sat back to survey my naked breasts. I tried to suck my stomach in, conscious that I wanted to look desirable. He was smiling down at me with longing as my chest rose and fell with my excited breathing. I reached up to touch his face. As I did so he grabbed my arm, his eyes glinting, and forced it down behind me. He reached behind his bed with his other arm and pulled out one of the ties tied to his bed posts. He slipped my hand into it, and pulled it tight. He then did the same with my other hand.

Spread eagled, tied to his bed, I was now totally at his mercy.

To be continued…

Growl,

Lady Taylor

So, I’ve become THAT person…

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You know the one who you have to carefully check your guest list before inviting them, to make sure you haven’t inadvertently invited one of their exes, one of their exes new partners, one of their many partners, one of their many partners partners etc etc etc.

It turns out this whole having sex with Carl prospect has got me in quite a headspin. I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve started sending him pictures of my tits for fucksake. I desperately want to see him. And even more, I desperately want him to purposefully ditch his girlfriend to spend time with me, because of what it means: I am more important than she is.

About 3 months ago before Carl and I decided to be “just friends” he was supposed to come to a big house party with me. I am part of an academic department filled with crazy, loud, artsy people and I wanted to take Carl along because they tend to be really fun. He originally agreed to, and then got flu. He said how sorry he was, and promised a raincheck. It never happened.

About an hour ago I received a text inviting me to another such of these, a birthday party for a friend of a friend. I immediately thought of Carl, so I texted him. I was not sure what he was going to say, because I know that Girlfriend sold her bed yesterday and is now staying at his house. Of course, they have plans. So I reminded him about the raincheck he had promised me, and that he has plans with Girlfriend that I am not invited to for the next 3 days. We had originally planned a big beach trip for this Saturday when she was sposed to be leaving on the twentieth. Now she is going, and I am not. A friend is having a party on Friday. They invited Girlfriend, and made sure not to invite me, because we don’t get invited to the same things now. It’s not that we don’t like each other. Or maybe we do. Maybe I just don’t like her. Because why would she feel threatened by me? After all, she has won. She has Carl, she apparently monopolizes all of Carl’s time, she has basically attached herself to him before she leaves. And so Girlfriend has 3 days to party with Carl, with my other friends, and I have been sidelined. Regardless, Carl says he can’t change his plans. He says he really wants to, but can’t. Do I believe him? I don’t know. So I make him promise to spend a lot of time with me next week, before I leave, making me sound like a whiny,  needy, demanding annoyance.

And I hate the way this makes me feel. This is one of the biggest problems with polyamory I think. Making everyone feel important, making everyone feel wanted, desired. I hate the way this all makes me sound, because I basically want him to choose me over her. Which I know is unfair. I mean, I have a primary partner, why shouldn’t he? I suppose because I am leaving at the end of the month, and I want him all to myself before I go. She has been his primary for months. She’s gotten to sleep with him, wake up next to him, fuck him, be taken to parties by him. What have I been? Not even a secondary really. A someone that never turned into anything real. And yet I still feel so deeply for him. My emotions are all over the place. It’s like the prospect of sleeping with him has splattered them across the walls in nauseating rainbow paint. And it’s all highly irrational when looked at from a logical point of view. But whoever said emotions were rational?

Growl,

Lady Taylor

Sex Plan

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I’m going to interrupt my series about my recent travels with a quick post about a Sex Plan…

What the fuck is a sex plan Lady Taylor? Well it is exactly what it sounds. A plan to get fucked. With a date and time. No questions about whether or not it will happen, the plan is for sex.

This sex plan was made with a good friend of mine named Carl. Carl is the person who introduced me to polyamory this year. I met him when Ron and I were broken up for a while, and Carl made no secret of the fact that he wanted to get into my pants. At first the polyamory idea put me off to be honest, the idea of monogamy having been so ingrained in me from birth. I think what I fear most about polyamory is not being important to people, is just being another random fuck. Unless it is a definite one-night stand I want to be someone who is liked, appreciated, and is made to feel important. I like to have sex with people more than once, you get better at it as you get to know their body.

Carl took me as his date to his birthday party, I had a great time with him, and we went back to my place afterwards. He tried to take my clothes off and….I just couldn’t. I was very attracted to him, but I was still in love with both Ron and Theo, Ron had only just moved out and Theo was still fucking me around. Literally. (He was still fucking me, and fucking with my emotions). I was afraid to add Carl to the mix. He seemed okay with it, and we just cuddled. I had a great time with him, but after he left I decided not to see him for a while because I needed to sort my emotions out first.

Shortly after this Ron moved back in, Theo and I stopped seeing each other, and speaking to each other, and making eye contact. At the time I was trying monogamy again, and so Carl got the hint and moved on. We spent a lot of time together and became good friends. I was still very attracted to him.

Ron and I began going to counselling and I suggested we try polyamory. Ron said he needed to think about it. It was around this time that Carl invited me to come and look at the stars with him through his telescope. It was freezing, and we lay very close together on a picnic blanket, looking at the stars, drinking wine. I kissed Carl, and told him I was trying to get Ron to go for the polyamory thing. We went back to Carl’s place. Carl said, “We can’t have sex. Ron needs to be okay with it first.” I agreed. He did tie me to his bed though, and we made out like that for a while. I found it extremely exciting.

A month later Ron agreed. I continued to spend time with Carl, and kiss him when we were together, and while there was groping involved, he never tried to sleep with me. I sent him a message asking what was going on. He said, that his attraction for me had faded, that it had changed into a kind of “intense affection” as opposed to a sexual attraction and that he did not know why. I was annoyed and perplexed. He apologized for confusing me, claiming he was confused himself. I was very disappointed. I regretted not sleeping with him when I had the chance, now. But maybe that’s just the reaction to being told you can’t have something, you want more. We continued to kiss, and grope a bit, but he would always stop it before it became too sexual. Thus, my seductions were failing.

He started dating another girl here in town, who I have known for years, and don’t like much. I was insanely jealous. He also ended things romantically between us completely, saying it was confusing our relationship, and that we needed definite boundaries between friendship and romance to make it easier for us to define our relationship. I said that was fine, then we did not need to be friends. He said that would devastate him, because I meant so much to him. I said, “If I mean so much to you, then if you had to choose between me and your new primary girlfriend who would you choose?”. I know that was an unfair thing to say, but I was furious at him and felt rejected. He said, “It would be awful to do that, but I would choose you. With her it is mostly sex, with you, you’re very important to me.” I don’t know if I believed him, but the fact that he had said it meant something to me. He swore to keep his girlfriend away from me and the bar I worked at, and spent time with me alone, just the two of us. I still longed for him sexually, but I agreed to just be friends who occasionally kissed “hello” and “goodbye”, and held hands sometimes when watching movies.  He admitted another reason he shied away from the idea of sex was because he was afraid things would become awkward between us. I thought this a silly reason, but I suppose it is valid, especially after how things turned out with The Shy Boy: we barely speak now.

A month ago we were having a conversation about how his GF is leaving in November for Mauritius and then to teach in Korea, and so they will break up. I mentioned that I am also leaving at the end of November, and I would quite like to have sex before I leave. I just came out and said it. He said he would think about it. I went travelling shortly after, and then so did he after I got back. I saw him on Friday for the first time in weeks. While we were walking to lunch, he said, “I’ve been thinking about what you said. And yes, I want to, as well. Before you leave.” I was quite surprised actually. He has had 6 months to tell me he wants to fuck me, and I would have arrived at his doorstep in lingerie.

Perhaps it’s because there is not much chance of it being awkward now, as I leave at the end of the month. If it does go wrong, and it is awkward, I will be miles away. He and his GF have a sort of monogamous relationship here in this town, although he can do whatever he likes when he is in other cities. Thus he asked me to wait until she leaves. It was originally going to be the 20th (today!!) but her flight was pushed back to the 25th. The DAY she leaves. I am basically going to show up as soon as she is gone. He has asked me not to mention this to anyone, hehe, because he thinks it will make him look bad. But she did know she was going to be dating someone polyamorous, and they are breaking up. And my relationship with him predates hers. Besides, this sex has been 6 months coming.

And thus the date has been set. Sex plan for the 25th. I will be in town for 5 days afterwards. Let’s see what happens.

Growl,

Lady Taylor.